Merging your differences
What you need to know:
- “It is important for couples to remember that they are different people who ought to understand each other,” suggests Vivian Mwendwa.
- “Many at times, when I disagree with my fiancé on moral issues, I try not to judge him but rather cope with him and the reverse is true.”
In a relationship sometimes, there is a fear that you might not be suited for each other. But what you need to look at is how you can make it together and survive turbulent times.
Every individual has values they hold dear. But in relationship, couples may have to subject their values to a test to know whether they are compatible or can compromise. How can couples overcome varying values such as chastity, confidentiality and partying with friends, among others without breaking up?
Religious values
According to Pastor Herbert Musoke of Watoto Church, if couples have different values, they are bound to clash, which is why persons need to look out for partners they can share principles and values with. “Couples need to make their values clear to one another and see how to reach an agreement. Amos 3:3 reads; “Can two walk together, unless they agree?”
Dan Mugoya, 28, shares his experience about some of his failed relationships: “Most of my failed dating relations were with church girls. They always wanted us to get engaged almost as soon as the relationships started, which I honestly found hasty.”
Sexual purity and chastity is encouraged by most, if not all, religions however, the couple can overcome temptations. Lastly, dating should not be over prolonged as this brings in temptation in the long run of the relationship.
Economic values
According to Daisy Aguti: “my money is his money and vice versa.” Aguti strongly believes that sharing home expenses with her husband makes the two a strong team. “Most women are against sharing finances with their husbands. My husband I have a joint account and from which we were able to start up a business and purchase a piece of land in Nansana,” she says.
We are different
“It is important for couples to remember that they are different people who ought to understand each other,” suggests Vivian Mwendwa. “Many at times, when I disagree with my fiancé on moral issues, I try not to judge him but rather cope with him and the reverse is true.”
According to Hilda Bahati, a life coach, love can overcome any differences.
“If your boyfriend is an alcoholic yet you love to spend your time at fellowships, you may need to talk about it and be patient with him,” she advises. “However, it all comes back to clearly communicating your values and the willingness to compromise in order to mantain good relations,” Bahati adds.
However, Pr Musoke warns couples against compromising individual values. “Once you compromise your values, you have compromised everything. If you have been keeping yourself chaste for marriage and your partner wants to fornicate, do not compromise. If he truly loves you, he will surely wait because love is patient.”
Harmonise
•Be patient with your partner whenever you encounter resistance from him/her.
•Understand rather than judge your partner.
•While understanding, keep what matters most to you.
•Respect your partner’s differences and appreciate their customs.
•Understand commonalities in values, to help reduce tension in your relationship.
(www.twoofus.org)
