Moving on after breaking up is easier said than done

“Why don’t you leave him?" I asked her as she stared at me quietly. “He has proved to you that all he wanted was a piece of you and now that he got it, you mean nothing more to him.”

Her tears started flowing and I thought she was getting the point so I continued. “There are so many other men who can kill for you; he doesn’t deserve your tears. Just let him go and move on.” I preached to my sister who had spent almost a week crying over her on and off boyfriend (they are deeply in love for two months, but hate each other for the next month).

The level at which she was losing weight was worrying. She was missing work because she was emotionally drained and no matter what we did or said, she never seemed to get the courage to move on.

“Do you think it is that easy to break up with the person I love most?” she replied as she dried the tears.

“Relationships are not like public toilets where there’s free entry and exit. I love him, he hurts me but he still makes me happy most of the time,” she said as she picked up a towel and started dusting the chairs.

“If it was easy walking away from love, trust me I would be miles away but then moving on is also a straining journey. Regardless of the many let go sermons and articles you read, it never sinks in.” She went on, then paused and stared in space.

“You struggle with sleepless nights, memory blackouts because you cannot stop thinking about him. I would not mind trying it out but there’s even no guarantee that I will successfully move on.” she said as she resumed dusting.
“Getting another lover might not be the hard part, but loving him the same way you loved the ex might be harder than munching a rock,” she concluded.

I stared as she poured out her fears. And she was right. It is easy for you to advise a friend or sister/brother to divorce that violent and disrespectful spouse but we must remember that love is not a switch on and off button. People invest a lot of time, money and emotions. Moving on is therefore not as easy as it may sound.

The friends who advise you to break up might be doing so with good intentions but they will not be there when your heart bleeds and your memories turn into the nightmares that torment you through the night.

They might call you weak and stupid but truth be told, breaking up and moving on is a personal battle, do not initiate it if you are not fully equipped. You wouldn’t want to die in your own movie when you regret giving up the only thing that made sense to you.

Listen to others but prepare yourself emotionally before you think of calling it quits. You will need more energy on the journey of letting go. Because the truth remains, there’s no method to moving on, everyone experiences it differently.

Break-ups hurt but hanging onto something that may never be is imprisoning your soul. And hanging on for too long is making the jail time longer. Eventually you will be required to let go and move on
But if you feel like you are not ready to break up, don’t force it. Let the waves of love flow; if love can grow, it can die naturally.

On the other hand, isn’t it true that some of us let go so easily other than hanging on and fighting for the people we love? Maybe because we have trained our minds to let go and no one ever told us to hang in there.

Twitter: @kalungixtyn