Mr Runaway dad, here’s a chance to man up
For one to raise and truly love a child that is a product of rape is one of those amazing things there is. And many women all over the world have done this, as though these children were a product of love and consent. There are rape victims who never overcome the trauma and consequently transfer the bitterness and hatred to the child.
I would not blame a woman who refuses to mother a child born out of rape. It is wrong because two wrongs don’t make a right, but it is also understandable. However, there are women, who by some divine ability, are able to rise above it all and be loving mothers to children fathered by their abusers.
I have been reading about female-on-male sexual assault, some countries call it ‘made to penetrate’, or what is classified under the wide docket of indecent assault in Uganda. This is when a grown man is raped by a woman. There are very few reported cases of this crime but it is true that an adult man can be raped by a woman. Now men, unless you were a victim of this kind of rape and you got your rapist pregnant, pray tell, why do you refuse to take care of your children?
Granted, I do not know your story and have no right to judge. But really, why does a man who has an income, however small, refuse to provide for children that he fathered? So you say you do not love that child’s mother anymore. Fine, people fall out of love. However, you cannot ‘unimpregnate’. Having a child with someone is not reason enough to marry them. But, it is reason enough to provide.
These days, it is common to see women struggle to cater for children all by themselves not because the fathers are dead or they were artificially inseminated, but, due to irreconcilable differences, the men have abandoned mother and child and started another family, or are simply too cowardly to own up to fatherhood.
They prance about in designer clothes and shoes, debating ‘matters of national importance’, hosting huge house parties, living the Ugandan dream and even give to street children in the name of being charitable, wear office titles like extra clothing, while the fruit of their loins suffers terrible financial drought.
This reminds me of people who live like kings in the city while their parents languish in the village. And when they lose a loved one, the friends who go to attend the burial will be shocked to find a lone roofless grass-thatched shack as the home in the bereaved’s village. Not even tears of grief can dilute the embarrassment.
Whatever your story might be, do not be a fool. Take care of your children. If you do not trust the mother with money, then deliver in kind; pay the school fees yourself and simply give her the receipt, buy the clothes, food and medicine and have them delivered. You are lying to yourself if you are busy impressing the world but neglecting your children.
This should be common sense even to the dumbest person. So drop the act, be real. Pay your dues. Fatherhood is more than just providing financially, but if you cannot nurture, guide and be present in their lives, the least you can do is provide.
Yes, there are many great fathers and also villain mothers who abandon children. However, today is all about you — the runaway father.
