Thursday June 26 2014

My childhood friend is back to haunt my heart

The problem

Dear Heart to Heart, there is a girl I am planning to date! Our fathers are friends and we attended the same primary school. However, what complicates the matter is that after we completed primary school in 2005, we never made contact again, until recently when I traced her on Facebook.

I am 22 years old now and I think I am ready to start dating. I am currently pursuing my degree and she is almost finishing hers too. I don’t know whether she is seeing someone, but I believe we will make a good couple because apart from being from the same tribe and village, I am not a stranger to her. Can I go ahead and date her? Please advise me.
- KK.

Your solutions
Follow your heart’s desire...go on please!

First, make her a close friend and study her behaviour because marriage is not about knowing her father or being her old schoolmate.

You are even late. Remember others are eyeing her too.

You can never know where you are going until you reach there. So, start the journey.

Are you waiting for bells?

Go in for her brother, she is still yours.
She might be a totally different person from the one you knew in primary school. First meet and study her afresh then your heart will know what to do. As for your parents being friends, it is only a pleasure.

Befriend her again, find out what is happening in her love world, then make a perfect move, because when you just go in anyhow, you may destabilise a stable relationship.

Go on please because she might be your future wife.

It is better for you to befriend her and first keep it at friendship level. Get to know whether she makes you happy, because you might rush to pour out your heart to her then realise she is no longer the person you would want to date. So, be patient and do what is right for you because it will pay off.

Visit her during her free evenings if time allows, share stories that can only make her happy about your primary life. You will understand her status in the process.

She might not know that you are interested in dating her, so it is better that you meet face to face and tell her what you really feel about her. That’s what will help you, instead of keeping it from her and at the end find out that she is taken by someone else!

First differentiate between tribe and clan because many people confuse them and if she is your clan, do not bother to date her. But if you find out otherwise, go slow you may not be sure of how she behaves.

Don’t you think of the need to finish your studies and get a life before you get serious with her?

My dear, I was once in your same situation but know that if a woman disappears for even a year, it is enough time for her to get a man. So, don’t rush brother because girls forget so easily munange.

Now that she is your friend, you have a very big chance. Use it to bring her heart closer, know what she likes and give it to her. She will realise your intentions.

Dear KK, get to her outside Facebook and try to be the best friend you can make as you slowly learn her desires. She is no longer that primary school girl you knew and must be having a lover but by being friends, show her that you care and slowly she will get attracted to you. Friends have come up as the best couples, me inclusive. But do not rush her.
Ali Kaziba

If you really need her, be a man and talk to her. Tell her about your heart’s desires and your plans for a family and get to know her response.

Please, knowing one another does not guarantee that she will consent to you. However, you need to express your feelings to her. First conduct a SWOT analysis to assess her to the best of your knowledge. Do not rush if you want her, but keep in contact, do not lose ground. All the best and good luck my brother.
Jorem Lazarus

KK, that is a dream, wake up! Complete your course and get a job! Make money first, everything will work out. That is why nowadays, young girls no longer date boys who are still struggling. What will she benefit from you when you also need help! Please wake up.

Counsellor’s take >
Hope N Mwijuka, Healing Talk Counseling Services

Dear KK, find out if this girl is dating or not. Assuming she says no, then there is no problem for you to date her, since you were childhood friends. Dating and relationships these days survive on friendships because even when arguments arise, you can still resolve them.

While giving it a try, it is important to consider the age difference because girls mature faster than boys. You mention you are both at university but you do not mention the age difference. If you are the same age, the girl might finish university and feel that her next step is marriage yet you might want to work for five years, make some money and then get married. If you are older, it is better that way but keep in mind that age is key.

Your parents being friends is also a positive thing and more reason for you to go ahead and date her because it will be reason for the two of you to ensure your relationship works. However, you have to treat one another with respect since disrespect in your relationship might ruin the friendship your parents have.

Being from the same tribe is another encouraging factor. If children are to come out of this relationship then you do not have to worry about the language they will take on or culture. Beyond all, know that God is above all and pray about it, if it is meant to be, it will come to last. Play your cards right and do not be too possessive. Good Luck.

Compiled by Carol Nambowa