Heart to Heart

My ex is getting married, and I am a little bothered

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By Mike Ssegawa

Posted  Thursday, December 19   2013 at  02:00
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My ex-girlfriend will be getting married in a few days. She finally got a wonderful man after waiting for several years screening my replacement [it is that hard to find my equal - lol].
This is, however, not a tribute to me as a great lover. I am a humble man and I am honoured to have met her.

When I talked to a friend about this, he told me: “Your ex should stay as an ex. She is an example of why you deserve better.” I agree. But I also think it depends on how you separated.
Some people separate bitterly, others amicably. I happen to belong to the latter. How would life have been if things did not end up the way they did?
Before I tell you a story I watched on TV, here is a disclaimer. I am blessed with an awesome partner, the mother of our two lovely daughters. I would not trade her for anything - that should be able to calm madam.

So, two weeks ago I watched a programme on TV; The Moment of Truth. On this show, contestants compete for half a million dollars. The game: You tell and expose truths about your lives before your loved ones - partners, parents, friends and the audience.

Attached to the contestants is a lie detector to “arrest” them if they twist the story. Twenty-five questions are asked in segments and you get smaller monies if you answer all questions in a segment truthfully. The host admitted that no one has won more than $100,000 (about Shs250 million). The truth hurts, so many people drop out, get caught or cry their way out.

On this day, there was a girl with a handsome man on the seat. Her boyfriend sat in front watching her answer question after question. Someone from the audience was invited to ask a question. She blushed.
“Do you know him?” the host asked.

“Yes I do. He is my ex.”
Her boyfriend shifted in his seat. The ex read out a question.
“Did you ever regret breaking up with me?”
The poor lady went silent. She had to tell the truth if she wanted the money. Her boyfriend looked into her eyes while her parents watched from the side, next to her best friend.
“Yes,” she admitted.

The ex smiled. With his ego boosted, he walked off the stage. The boyfriend continued to shift in his chair, not amused.
I felt unsettled when my ex’s sister told me she was walking down the aisle. I knew what it meant.

I had promised her the ring, but now someone else will be rolling it down her finger. I, however, was also relieved that someone I had loved was at last settling down.
It hurts when you have made promises and not fulfilled them. I tried to explain it to her – like what every responsible man should do when he doesn’t meet his end of the bargain – but instead I hurt her more.

When she broke the news to me herself, she did it in an unusually long chat. I wished her well – but the reality of her belonging to someone else hit me too. She did not invite me to her wedding, neither did I ask to be included on the “guest of honour” list.

How could she say “I do” when I am part of the crowd? We shared a lot and our past walks with us all. But I should not be the one to spoil the greatest day of her life.
This testimony comes because I am not alone. The words of my friend are helpful for those who split bitterly. But don’t ever spoil her party. If your breakup was a mutual understanding, wish your ex love and blessings because s/he is afterall “an example of why love conquers all”. Because you loved her – set her free.
mssegawa@ke.nationmedia.com