Thursday May 15 2014

My girlfriend’s dad married my sister


Dear Heart to Heart, I am a Second Year student at the International University of East Africa. I have a girlfriend who I have dated for seven good years. Her parents are divorced, and only her mother knew about our relationship. Recently, however, her father married my sister, unknowingly of course. Now I am confused, should I leave my girlfriend or can we continue with our relationship? Please advise me.
- Hamid

Please Hamid, just do the right thing - abandon the relationship. He can’t be a father and brother in-law at the same time. lt’s mission impossible in terms of culture.
Dear Hamid, your situation is indeed hard. In such cases, doing the right thing is better than doing a good thing. A lot of things are good but not right. To continue with your girl is a good thing but it is not the right thing. If you and both families have no problem with it, then go ahead with her. However, talk to her mother about it and discuss in detail how to handle the situation. Whatever the outcome, I trust you won’t make a wrong choice.
Pr. Allan

It’s okay. Your in-law is not your close relative, therefore there is no problem with that. Pease listen to your heart and continue with her.

Why should you leave someone who loves you for the sake of your sister? Unless you don’t love her, you have a life and your sister has her life too. Don’t mix issues if you love that girl, carry on with your love. If you drop her, do you think your sister will drop him too? It’s non of your business man, live your life!

No problem, just continue with your business. He took your sister, take his daughter.

The father acted faster than you, so continue with your education, your true wife is there ahead. Explain to her the situation first.

You were not serious in your relationship, you were just confusing each other. You never loved her, for a whole seven years, you refused to get introduced. The man did good to marry your sister. Next time, go for a serious relationship. The man wouldn’t marry your sister had you been serious.

Man it’s complicated. If you were serious with your relationship, seven years were enough for you and your girlfriend to be known by both sides, but I think you should end the relationship.

African culture is far different from the English. Discuss things with the lady and end the relationship. Or else you may find your son marrying your wife’ first child and your son’s son marries who?

Stop and make a U-turn. Don’t think about the years you have wasted cunning her, but look at the future of your children. If you continue, a generational curse will be upon the children you are going to have. Guilbert

Ho! It’s tricky because your sister has turned to be your girlfriend’s step mother. Sorry but I think it’s better for you to complete your education and settle later when God blesses you with a stable relationship.

Things are not easy bro. But it depends on your tribe. If such is acceptable in your tribe, go ahead, but if it’s not my dear, you have to let go of her. Maybe she was meant for you. Your heaven sent love will find you one day.

Just continue because it’s not your fault that her father got married to your sister.

It won’t be okay to quit if you want to have peace of mind in your family. Remember your cultural and religious views about it.

Those good old days in our fore grand fathers’ times, when a head of a family died, a son would marry the step-mother and it is possible that he becomes the head of the family at the same time. For example, if Hamid married Amina whose brother is a head of the family, it is normal that that man will be a father-in-law/brother-in-law to Hamid.

Mr, be serious with your love. How do you date someone for seven years, without introducing yourselves to both families. Please wake up.

That’s what you deserve. How can you spend seven years with your girlfriend as if you know all God’s plans. You weren’t the right person, so leave her alone she is your sister now.

You can’t blame your sister because she was not aware. Talk to your parents and your girl’s mother for advice, otherwise, I don’t see any big problem, as long as both you and your girlfriend trust and love each other. But remember culture matters, so follow your heart.

Hope Nankunda Mwijuka, Healing Talk Counselling Services

Dear Hamid, has your girlfriend said anything about the relationship between her father and your sister? Her opinion also matters a lot. Despite your father’s marriage with the person who would be your sister-in-law, there is no need for you to give up with your relationship.

The only problem would be if they found out later that they were related because that would be incest.

If there have been any discussions between your sister and your girlfriend’s father, let them be open because their love entails a lot of feelings and emotions and they need not to hurt themselves by breaking up. They should not sacrifice themselves for the sake of your love.

Everything should be taken freely and know exactly what you want from your relationship and continue with your girlfriend and show her that it’s the love between the two of you that matters. This should not affect the relationship between the two of you.

But if your girlfriend’s father thinks that that’s the right woman for him to remarry, then let them continue in their relationship. You should overlook the situation at hand and concentrate on your girlfriend instead of looking at the sisters and brother-in-law that would make your relationship miserable.

Compiled by Roland D Nasasira

Next week’s problem

Dear Heart to Heart, I am in love with a girl who was dating two other men with my knowledge. However, when I tried to ask her how she handles all these affairs, she told me not to worry. She suggested that I also find another lover, but it is not like me. It seems to me that the love she has for me is just for fun. What can I do?
- Destiny