My husband has abandoned his responsibilities

Dear Heart to Heart, My husband and I have been married for nine years and have three children. But for the last three years, my husband has been jobless and I have assumed all responsibilities in the home something I did not have a problem with. However, my husband has stopped being supportive morally. He never comes home early to help children with say homework but returns late and very drunk. On a number of occasions, I have entrusted him with money for some family projects and he misuses it. I try to support him financially once in a while if I have but he never appreciates. I feel exhausted. What should I do?
Susan.

YOUR FEEDBACK

Nyaluga Comfort. Husbands are not easy to come by these days. God gave you a soul mate but you see this is trial time and it won’t last forever. Try to be a little patient with him. Use positive words, tell him how much you love him, do not remind him of his past mistakes and change your attitude towards him.

Adiga Geoffrey. Be patient. One time he will get a job. You may not fully understand what he is going through now. I have gone through that too. I learnt a lot to prioritise for my family now. I love them so much. For every monthly salary I get, I try to give the best to my wife and children.

Peter Kusolo. Look at him with the same spectacles you did before he lost his job. Boost his confidence. What happened to him can happen to anybody, even you. Do not pity him. Support him morally and spiritually without necessarily looking for new multiple congregations of your choice, pray singly and together if possible and consistently. Get professional help to get him out of his present depression. Good luck and God bless you.

Phoebe Miriam. Your husband is experiencing something bigger than you can imagine! He could be depressed! He needs a lot of support and prayer! Go with him for counselling, be patient with him but stop entrusting him with money for family projects! Give him just a little money for his private use or nothing! As you pray, cut down on expenditure and focus on the wellbeing of your family especially the children!

Diego Fredrick Ddamulira. I first of all thank you so much for being so supportive of him. Not many wives can afford to do what you do. He may not be showing you how happy and appreciative he is but, believe me, he appreciates and recognises all that you do for him. He is your friend, your husband. Do not give up on him. Encourage him to stay strong, sober and focused and look for a job no matter how “cheap” it might be, encourage him to take it. You are his hero, a true warrior, you are such a noble woman. Be blessed.

Shiela Ojuka. He is the father of your children and remember it is for better for worse, for richer for poorer. I have a feeling that you are stressing him that’s why he has resorted to alcohol. Stop complaining and remember all the good things he did for you before he became jobless.

Faisal Ssenyonjo. I have been jobless for three years. My wife with three children who was jobless at the time has been supportive just like you are doing. I did not lose hope neither did she. She used to give me hope as she also helped me search for a job. You need to give your husband hope. Do not allow him to just sit home. Tell him to try different ventures even little pay is better than nothing.

Ecengu Sam. As a man, being jobless is a very stressful thing more so when you have a family. Do not give up. He really needs you and your support not only financially, but also socially, spiritually and emotionally. Talk to him with love, but you can also identify one of his best friends to help you and continue praying to God for provision. He will get a job soon.

Okwa Linga. The world out here does not care. Your husband needs emotional support. Marriage is not a bed of roses. Bad times come and go and so do good times. Give him hope. The more you complain the more depressed he becomes and the more violent he will become.

Laxim Julious. A man without money is a depressed man, give him peace and try to be his wife. All families go through such but the woman’s resilience determines whether the family will stay intact.

Lim Ed. Poor thing, he must be feeling so terrible now that he is like a stay-home mother and has to depend on you for some pocket money. Please do not lose it. Just encourage him, probably he is seeing his friends progressing and he is helpless. He needs you to understand his situation and to offer him emotional support. Let him look for some sales jobs, they are always available and might help him in the meantime. Good luck.

Carol Watenga. Pray for him as he is in distress, do not give up this is the time when he needs your support most, trials help us to be better people when we struggle and overcome. Be strengthened in the lord.

Martin Dradz. Show him that you still love him and encourage him. He will eventually let go of fear and stand strong and you will be his everything.

Robert Green. You have to endure because he is now the father of your children. However, seek counselling because he could be nursing an inferiority complex due to being jobless for a long time.

Ruhweza Fred.
Be resilient

Dear Susan I have been in such a state before. They say when you lose a job, you lose your wife. Not only the wife but your social, economic and spiritual life. The sense of helplessness leads you to a bar. You end up drinking anything called booze. If ever there has been a time he needs you, it is now. Most marriages never get past this. Get someone to talk to him. Most women in this situation start coming home late, get busy with work than before to avoid home, they even date men with tough financial muscle. Even when your man gets to know he cannot complain because of money matters. I was in such a situation and separated with the mother of my daughter. I got a job and now I am fine but without a wife. It is an experience that is hard to deal with for both parties. But look at the bigger picture and fight this war. If you overcome this. You will be the happiest family.