My man wears dirty underwear

The problem
Dear Heart to Heart, I have been seeing this man for six months now, but recently when I visited him at his home, I made a shocking discovery. He changed clothes but picked unwashed underwear and wore it. His excuse was that the whole lot was unclean. I have many times seen dirty underwear on some men but I didn’t think the man I am beginning to fall in love with could be a culprit. I want to tell him to learn to wear clean underwear each time he changes clothes but I don’t know the best way to do it without hurting his feelings or sounding rude and vindictive.
Patie

Your solutions

Kigozi Paul: It’s not true that there is a man who prefers dirty clothes to clean ones. He is only being lazy at washing, so are many of us (men). For a start buy him a dozen of underwear/boxers as a friendly gift. It costs around Shs50,000 in Kampala. When you visit, try to wash them (if you don’t mind), hang them to dry and iron them. If he doesn’t get ashamed, he will pick a leaf and love you the more. After all he is your man; it’s your duty to clean him up not anybody else’s.

Trinity Nakyanzi: Just wash every underwear he removes leaving him with no chance of getting dirty ones. You are to blame here. Why don’t you clean them all?

Emma Mungholo Ajiba: Sorry about that but have you ever told him about how you feel about his behaviour? If not try to talk to him to always avoid wearing dirty underwear and focus mainly on the disadvantages of doing so. Washing underwear is his responsibility.

Christine Asiimwe: Are you dating him or his underwear? Actions speak louder than words. Start washing for him, he will get used to wearing clean underwear and eventually learn to do it himself.

Theharuna Haruna: Some men are like babies before their loved ones. You are obliged to change him into the husband material you wish to see. Buy him more underwear. Wash then on daily basis, and learn to say some things without explaining yourself much. Maybe he sees no reason to groom himself for someone not worthy. Please be valuable so that you can both be on the same page.

Don Bosco JB: If you fail to tell your man about what doesn’t please you, then you are not yet in real love. You are still in love of fear.

Promise James: On your next visit to his house, buy a dozen of underwear and a pair of shoes and give them to him just as a surprise gift. Then keep monitoring him quietly such that he doesn’t notice your motive towards him.

Reuben Kyeyune: Maybe he has few and if that’s the case, get him some new ones. If it’s not the case, each time you go for a shower with him (we love it) make the underwear wet.

Kagoya Dianah: Do not wash them! What will happen in case you can’t wash, for instance, if you are unwell or have commitments elsewhere? Instead tell him that you don’t like unclean underwear but in a polite way. If he really loves you and cares about how you feel, he will try to adjust though it may take him some time.

Mc Young Wizy: First of all wash his underwear once and tame him in the way you want him to be. I am sure he will change if he loves you.

Owani Ambrose Okello: Burn the old and stained underwear because it won’t be easy to wash or else buy new ones and tell him politely and jokingly that you like it clean.

Maxs Brand: How do you expect him to know that what he is doing doesn’t make you happy? Talk to him, he can change.

Amenyu Esther Akello: Men don’t wash their underwear each time they shower like women. That one is their chronic ailment. Just make sure you wash them for him often if you don’t mind.

Nakawuma Hadijjah Nsereko: What you should know first is that it’s your duty to wash your husband’s underwear something many ladies have abandoned. Therefore, whenever he goes to shower go with him in a lovely manner and take the dirty underwear and soak it in a bucket there and then. When you do it a few times he will learn what you want. Secondly, as women it’s our duty to observe our husband’s cleaning habits because most men are naturally dirty.

Nanangwe Irene: That man is dirty but if you love him, please clean his underwear by soaking all of them first. He will realise his mistake.

Sylvester Chisanga: Man and woman were created and designed like tools to help each other. It’s up to the one who notices the shortfall of the other to take care, inform and educate. How do you do it? Well, direct approach is the best. If true love exists, there will be no hard feelings.

Ssendagire Dennis: Just wash them every time you go there. Take the dirty ones out of his vicinity. If you’re to tell him, do it in a very jolly mood so that he doesn’t feel tortured psychologically.

Lucky Joy Lydia: Whenever you take him to the bathroom for a shower, take along clean underwear too and tell him to leave the used one in the basin for you to clean.

Rebecca Namudosi: Wash them, period. I have never found a problem in keeping my boyfriend’s underwear clean because in case they are seen dirty, it’s me who gets ashamed.

Ayiko Douglas Bravo: Buy a bucket keep it in your house and tell him to be dropping them there every time he takes a shower.

Micheal Mureefu: What’s the reason for not changing them? May be he has few! Think about buying him more and making sure they are always clean.

Tashke Mariza: Help him because most men are dirty. They think that underwear doesn’t get dirty since they are worn inside clothing.

Counsellor says >

Lois Nakibuuka, freelance counselling psychologist

Dear Patie, your worry is very understandable. However, you must ask him outright why he wears dirty underwear. For example, I can see your shirt, trousers and socks are all clean. How is it that your underwear is not? From his answer, it would be clear that this is something that he does not regard as unusual. You could suggest washing them for him to shock him into reality.
Some people will dress up to impress the public that is why a person can wear a brand new dress but a torn or worn out underwear as no one can see it. He could be one of those.

Also try to find out when this habit started. It could be a high school habit. Ask him whether he went to a boarding school? Who used to wash his clothes when he was younger? It is possible that he is just lazy.
Generally, questions about cleanliness in a relationship should be fine for one to answer. Be, however, very careful how you bring them about. Be as polite as possible and do not confront but rather advise or offer to do it for him.

Compiled by Beatrice Nakibuuka