Heart to Heart

Nothing is as depressing as dating a selfish man

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By Kiiza Akiiki

Posted  Thursday, February 20   2014 at  02:00
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While growing up, our parents and teachers taught us the benefits of sharing. It was a virtue that was even reflected on our report cards. It was one way of helping us build good relationships.

This meant that even when we start living our own lives, we know how to be a shoulder to lean on. Sharing is very important in relationships. Having a greedy and selfish husband is equal to living in hell. It is written somewhere in the Bible that a man will provide for his family. This means he works and makes enough money to sufficiently provide all the necessities of life for his wife and children.

However, some men have deliberately acted contrary to the teaching. They have made it their role to make women hassle and make ends meet; they don’t care about how they do it. If it is inadequate food in the house, a woman will find a way of serving it and make sure that the children are fed, which a man cannot do. In situations where money is scarce, a man will leave home early for work, passing by Mama Jane’s restaurant for a heavy breakfast.

At 1pm, he will have lunch and a glass of juice. In the evening, he will go for beer and pork. It will be hard for you [the wife] to know that this man didn’t actually have food because of the way he presents himself, as if he didn’t have anything the whole day.

He will actually ask the wife: “Did you manage to get some food?” yet he knows that this woman didn’t have money to buy food.
Poor woman, standing by her vows - for richer, for poorer, yet the man abandoned all the important vows that reflect on true friendship.
Peter Matovu is a father of nine. They have a farm in Gomba District but Matovu is such a crazy and selfish man. He often leaves his wife to struggle for the children’s school fees yet he collects money from the farm produce. Each penny he gets is wasted in the bar.

I have always believed that when people get married, their way of thinking and doing things probably changes because of the kind of life they are now living.
It starts with the two of you and then a child comes in and as time pass by, the number grows. This means more efforts, resources, and developments because the family has to be fed and children educated.

I think that although the woman works hard for her family’s survival, the man has to show extra effort. Men often tend to forget that their role is more than impregnating women and earning respect from their colleagues for being fathers.
For God’s sake, why wouldn’t you be open to your wife than choosing to go the selfish way? Remember two heads are better that one. Share with her the problems you are facing. Women are quick thinkers, she will be in position to find an option if you side with her.

The money you spend on heavy breakfasts, nice lunch and pork in the evening can help give your family a better life. Subjecting them to misery is a sad move. Surely, the best any responsible parent or husband can do is share the little he has with his family. Believe me, they will always praise you. It’s from that kind of care you show them that you will earn God’s blessings. Think about it.

kakiiki27@gmail.com