Thursday August 7 2014

Returning to your old flame can be risky

By Mike Ssegawa

There are stories you listen to and wonder what people were thinking. My colleagues Betty and Juliet who cover court, told me something not amusing, but, certainly had good lessons to take home.
Betty’s was a quick one. A woman walked out on her man. In her view, he was a useless loser. She didn’t sound him out until months later when she heard that the guy had sold a plot of land, and was “swimming” in money.
She returned and surprisingly, the man took her back. One day, however, he returned home, finding his property in the house missing, save for his bed. He was inconsolable. The woman too was missing. He mounted a hunt for her.
And when he got her, he beat her up, in fact, leaving her life in such a critical condition that some weeks later, she died.
The man of course ended up in jail. Murder is his crime. But like Betty says, “Some women are to blame. When you leave a man, don’t return even when he becomes rich or famous. Period.”
I agree with her: When it is over, move on, and don’t look back. However, after choosing the path of separation, it should not necessarily turn the couple into sworn enemies that you can put each other’s lives in harm’s way.
Anyway, Juliet, the other girl, was also itching to tell her story.
This particular woman had two children with this man.
She had left him because she saw no future with this village man. She went to town, remarried, and God blessed her with another child.
One day, she desired to see her children from the previous relationship. So, she went to visit her former husband’s home where the children still lived. She was in the company of her little bundle of joy.
After a long day, the lady didn’t return to her new home, she chose to spend a night at the old flame’s house. Eh, wait a minute. She spent the night in her ex’s bed!
But her conscience was clear. She didn’t want anything to do with him – and she was only staying the night to spend more time with her children. She was determined not to cross that line.
But for the man who had been single since she left, the gesture meant she was ready to rekindle their romance. The man didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.
When the lady stuck to her guns, the two ended up fighting the whole night.
It is in the course of the fight that the woman lost her life. In a fit of anger, the monstrous man killed the baby too.
Now – such stories tell the cruelty of men and how violence against women still has its ugly shadow around us. But the question remains – why provoke someone to that extent – despite your good motives!
If you left a man, why would you return to his house, and have the bravery to spend a night in his bed? How do you leave your man and only return when you smell money?
And even if nothing was to happen between the two of you, I am sure your new husband would not be amused to hear that you spent a night with your ex – in the same bed. He won’t buy into your explanation that “nothing happened – even if it were me.
So please, when you leave someone, leave. And when you return to see the children, it is better you meet them in a neutral place, and if that is not possible, make sure you don’t insist on spending the night – whether in his bedroom, or guestroom. Let bygones stay in the past.
If the couple in the last case were a little wiser, maybe they would have lived a little longer. Don’t repeat their mistake.