She changed from Ritah to Kauthura for love’s sake

For your love. Bruhan Byaruhanga, the councillor representing Kyambogo University at Kampala Capital City Authority, is remembered for leading the impeachment of former Kampala Lord Mayor Erias Lukwago. He spoke to Sarah Tumwebaze about how he was able to convince Ritah Nasio into becoming Kauthura Byaruhanga.

How and when did you meet?
Bruhan: We met in 2010 through my political interactions. I was looking for votes at Kyambogo University when I saw her. One thing led to another, and the rest is history.

Was it love at first sight?
Kauthura: Yes, it was because when he came to our class seeking votes, it was the first time I was seeing him. I could see a responsible and intelligent man, and he seemed very administrative and serious about what he wanted. So, I looked at him as the man who had everything I have always wanted in a man and when he approached me, I did not hesitate.

Didn’t his name strike you that you were of different faiths?
Kauthura: I did not think about that at the start. It was something that came up later because all I was thinking of was love. He loved me and as we became closer, I felt that the religious difference could not be an issue. So I was ready to convert because Bruhan was everything I had always wanted in a man.
Bruhan: Given my mixed parentage and cosmopolitan beliefs, religion was something we could agree on and in our family we were raised in such a way that we had freedom to choose a religion of our choice when we turned 18 years old. So to me, it was not a big issue but I later learnt that I needed to give my in-laws ample time to understand the Islamic beliefs. So it took me time to convince them and later they also accepted and gave me their daughter.

What if she had refused to convert, would you have converted?
Bruhan: Well, this is something I had thought through and during the time that we interacted, to be honest, she had shown willingness to go that extra mile to convert to my religion. In my mind I was ready do the talking and convincing because I thought that if I was able to convince her to join my campaign team as a mobiliser, then I was sure she was going to be convinced on this ground too.

Do you mean that to get a woman to agree with you, you just have to convince her?
Bruhan: As long as you know you are doing the right thing and are not trying to take advantage of her, yes you need to convince her. The other reason I decided to convince her was because she is educated. She reasons things out before acting and I did not expect her to convert without understanding what she was getting into, but I am glad that she converted.

How did you change from Rita to Kauthura?
Bruhan: I chose the name because of its meaning. It means purity, because for all the time I have known her, she has been sincere and that is what I want to continue seeing in her.
Kauthura: Of course I like my name.

What was the conversion process like?
Bruhan: She had to go to Kyambogo University mosque and there was a Sheikh who did the required religious norms.

How did your parents react to the fact that you were converting?
Kauthura: When I told them about him, they asked me if I was comfortable with what I was going to do. I said I was. They asked me if he was serious and whether he cared about me, I said yes. So they accepted because what they cared most about was the connection we had.

How long did it take you to convince your parents?
Bruhan: It took me up to the eve of the wedding because we wanted them to attend the marriage ceremony in the mosque and they were a little hesitant. The hardest times were during the two important marriage functions, the first being the traditional ceremony.
At this stage, I had to make sure that we convince them beyond reasonable doubt. We needed them to bless our union, but it was not an easy thing to convince them but I thank God that divine power prevailed and now we are happily married.
But for the traditional ceremony, the argument was not really about religion, but dowry. Today I am a parent and I am going to marry off my daughter, but I will not ask for bride price from someone because I want my daughter to go into a marriage where she is not going to be looked at as property.
I needed my in-laws to stop calling the gifts I was bringing, bride price but gifts because they were actually gifts to appreciate them for having groomed a wife for me. I know that tradition and culture co-exist but if these are some of the causes of conflict in families, then we need to do away with them.

Did you face challenges convincing her parents to come to the mosque?
Bruhan: On the contrary, all the parents came and they listened to the sermon from the Imam. They wanted to know what happens in the Islamic religion.
Kauthura: My parents came for the wedding, and they actually blessed me before I left the house on the wedding day. They told me I was a pure Muslim and I was supposed to behave like a Muslim wife.

Are you comfortable with the new dress code?
Kauthura: Bruhan is a liberal person, but as a woman, I respect him so whenever I am leaving the house, I always cover my head with a veil because I am a wife to a Muslim man. It also makes him happy.
Bruhan: I want to see her decently dressed and I want her to be someone who respects the religious norms. We actually have a sheikh at home who is teaching her the Islamic norms.

Do you have children?
Bruhan: Yes, we have four children.
Will your documents carry your new name?
Kauthura: The new name is part of my achievements in life. While I will not change the one on my documents, whenever I have to use them, I will refer to myself as Kauthura Byaruhanga and attach certificates to explain why I am referring to myself by that name.
Bruhan: She is Kauthura Byaruhanga from the day she got married in the mosque.

How does it feel being married to a politician?
Kauthura: He has so many secret admirers. I see their comments on Facebook but those are small things I do not care about. He actually knows that many women admire him but he respects the fact that he already has someone.

How do you strike a balance between your political work and being in a new marriage?
Bruhan: In my life, I always believe in having a professional gap with the opposite sex but the most important thing is that my wife understands me. However, I also do my best to avoid controversial triggers like late night calls.

What advice do you have for couples who are in inter-religious marriages?
Bruhan: There has been great debate about people in different faiths and I think there are people who are passionate about their religions. What I would encourage people in such relationships to do explore avenues of negotiating, consulting and convincing people about your belief because it does not make sense to pretend to be in a family where the man is of one religion and the wife is of another. How will you raise your children?
It’s upon the man, to convince the woman. If someone is stuck on to their religion and you think it is going to affect you, my advice is that you abandon that relationship and study the situation. Otherwise, you may fail to accommodate it all.
Kauthurah: A woman needs to know where she stands. If she loves a man and feels there is no harm in converting, she should convince her parents.

Converting to Islam >

Islam is defined as the complete way of life, which scholars explain as the natural way of human beings. According to Sheikh Muhammad Kaweesi, an Islamic theological lecturer at Bilal Islamic Institute, converting to Islam means one is simply reverting to their origin of creation.
He says whoever follows these doctrines is thereby referred to as a Muslim. He points out three basic principles one ought to fulfill if they are to be considered a Muslim.

Saying Shahadah: “La ilaha illallah, Muhammadun rasululla”, which translates as “I testify that there is no other god but Allah, and Muhammad is God’s messenger [prophet]. “All this Shahadah recitation must be done in the presence of witnesses from the Muslim community in that particular society you live,” says Sheikh Kaweesi.

Cleansing: Once one has finished saying the Shahadah, he or she is required to take a bath of the whole body. “But this is not the kind of bath everybody takes ordinarily,” observes Sheikh Kaweesi. “It is a form of purification and cleansing.” To learn how to practically do the Islamic bath, one needs to talk to the area Imam – the Islamic leader at a mosque.

Seeking Islamic knowledge: This can be got from leaders, in seminars and reading Islamic literature. “This will help a convert to practice Islam out of knowledge and avoid being misled by ignorance. Islam is about being practical, praying the five obligatory prayers, fasting, paying Zakat, among other things, but to learn all this you need to seek guidance from the Imams,” Sheikh Kaweesi says.