She cheats on me at work

The problem
Dear Heart to Heart, I have been with my wife for seven years. I educated her and I have been taking care of her relatives in our home. Problem is she cheats on me while at work. I have tried talking to her but she denies all this.
She does not want to get intimate with me anymore. Recently she took our four-year-old son and they left to live with a relative. I followed to ask her to return but their relative asked for Shs300,000 to speak to me. I could only raise Shs100,000 but they refused to see me.
The worst part is that she is planning to rent a house near me. What should I do? I feel heartbroken.

-Francis

your solutions

Rebecca Ajoot: Sorry Francis for what you are going through right now. However, this relationship was built on a wrong foundation-money! Majority of campus girls are looking for a man who will cater for their financial needs; you came in handy. Such girls, with time discover people with more money than the little tuition you sacrificed for her, hence will easily be wooed. Third, you found her a student, literally a child. By now she is still exploring and trying to discover herself and the world. You on the other hand have seen it all and are ready to settle. She still has a lot of growing up to do! The involvement of your in-laws just complicates matters. Those are not the kind of in-laws you can involve/consult to meditate in your relationship. So it brings us back to the foundation of your affair-money. Your wife had been staked for the highest bidder with support from her family. It’s going to take you a lot of prayers and money to win her back or count your losses and consider it a bad investment ... deals do go wrong.

Aganyira Solomon Byakagaba: Take heart . Thank God if you are still HIV negative. In life where do you put your faith and trust? In God or humans? Give it time though painful. Keep busy on other issues and do not rush into any other relationship.

Ongwech David: Brother, your current state is so touching. But that is not the end of the road. Don’t blame this situation on her or on you. Take it easy she is not meant for you. Keep hoping there is someone God has already made for you.

Deriq Alifuna Alifuna: My brother, ladies are like that. Drop her because being a man, you need to understand yourself more than anybody. Let her try the world...

Abdul Karim Ali: That’s why in Islam we are allowed to marry up to four good and faithful women. My friend, life is too short to be stressed by a single person. Marry a second wife, I am sure she will be back to her normal senses and treat you like a king.

Michael Kintu: Take care of your son if he is yours biologically, and move on. There are many nice girls looking for a good man like you.

Musaalo Vicent David: As a matter of fact, your wife is worse than poison, because if she has even reached the extent of renting near you, she has an agenda that is hidden and also her parents don’t value you, which in most cases makes marriage so difficult. I personally advise you to go and play that game with her favourite friend, you will see her back home and she will make her relatives value you.

Alumo Iryn: I can’t judge because I don’t know the side of the woman. You might have taken advantage of her situation and your acting Mr absolute or you don’t look attractive to her. Please examine yourself and see where the problem is coming from. Obviously, when you don’t look and smell good, your partner has no feelings for you.

Martin Oorech: Relax brother, that money you paid is gone. She got somebody while at campus and now she is no longer in her senses. Please leave her and don’t think bad about her. God will work out things for you.

Rose Nayiga: That woman is not yours anymore. She is not your future wife. Let her go. You will get another one. There are many women out there who will love you.

Aairah N Lukyamuzi: I wish u were my husband.

Sabiiti Sylivestre: Let her go and she will love you when you’re gone, but never let her back.

Nalumansi Justine: Those men are using her. She will realise it with time.

Ocaya Thomas: Loving someone who doesn’t love you is like waiting for a ship at the airport. Leave that lady but don’t abandon your child. Check on the boy as and when it’s necessary, either through phone, her close relative, friends etc. You’re going to get over this and go forward.

David Mwaka: You seem to have an acute case of inferiority complex. Write that woman in your history book and move on. There are lots of single women out there yearning to settle down. Just get up and go forward.

Godfrey Mamela: What makes you think she is your wife? Just because you have a child with her? Does she recognize you as her husband? Take a bold decision and move on otherwise you are wasting your time.

Moses Apacu: Francis that is a big sign of danger. It`s high time you quit. The beautiful ones are not yet born. I see you as being a young man.

Counsellor says > Margaret Nassanga, Set Her Free, Bukoto

Dear Francis, “You have been with your wife for seven years, educated her and even looked after her relatives and I am wondering why you have been doing all this? My concern is, there are times people get spouses and feel that one is not of their social status and they find things to fix about them as if one were a house. So Francis, what were your reasons for educating your wife and taking care of her relatives? I might provide advice yet the advice I am rendering is not the appropriate reason as to why you educated her.
Why did you take care of the relatives? Were they needy or was it for the safety of the girl because she felt insecure at your home? With this in mind, I see a lot of insecurity in some areas within yourself and I think you should see a professional for further help because you have to deal with the insecurity. The fact that you refer to having educated her and taken care of her relatives is a sign that there are gaps that you need to fix. Establish why you did all that; did you want her to match your standards? What were your reasons?
You suspecting that your wife is cheating on you while at work could be another sign of insecurity because when women relate with male colleagues at work, insecurity will cause you to believe that there is a relationship going and in the long run.
Before she left with your son, what exactly had transpired between the two of you? May be she felt she was no longer safe living with you. How did she react when you confronted her with the matter of her cheating on you and how did you confront her? May be even your wife is to blame but you too are at fault. I think a face to face talk with a counsellor could do you good. Deal with rself first and examine where you went wrong? If she did not love you, she would not rent near you because if someone wants to get over you, they will go as far away as possible.
Learn to openly communicate with your spouse because insecurity is a sign of poor communication between the two of you. Own up to your mistake; do not cast blame but seek within yourself on where you could have gone wrong and that will help you to fix your relationship because seven years with someone is a long time.”

Compiled by Pauline Bangirana

Next week’s problem

Dear Heart to Heart, I was in a long distance relationship because my boyfriend’s job dictated so. We had a sweet relationship that seemed to thrive and we visited each other at least thrice a month. Suddenly, he went silent and never replied to any of my messages. When he texted me, I paid back in equal currency. Now three years down the road, he is looking for a “new slot in my love zone”. I have so many options that I do not want to even let his baggage get close. What would you do if it were you?

-Julie Anne