Sunday June 22 2014

ASK UNCLE JOE: She does not like family outings

Whenever I ask my wife to join me with my boys (our sons) on an outing, the answer is constantly NO. I am disgusted. What can I do? Jerry H.

Dear Jerry, Have you tried to ask her why she says no and to tell her how that makes you feel? It would help a lot to understand her side of the story. On the other hand have you examined the way you put your requests to your wife and what are places that you wish to go to? Or even, when you are out with them, how do you conduct yourself or how do you talk to her? All this may affect how she responds. I hope your wife does not experience low self-esteem which would make her feel inferior to be seen with you out there or the other way round.

Putting the above into consideration, there is need for both of you to sit and discuss. It seems your communication is facing a challenge and your wife turning down your requests could just be a symptom of something bigger.

An outing together with your family helps you to bond, shed off stress. However, the question is why your wife is not interested in the outings, needs to be examined further. In addition, you say, “My boys”, is she really the mother of the boys? Then why not “our boys,” so that she too is included in the life of the boys?

Jerry, I know there are people who do not enjoy going out but instead enjoy staying home, indoors, stay alone with a few people they know especially the melancholics. Therefore, such people need to be understood.

Sit and carry out an objective evaluation of your former outings together. Find out, did she enjoy the outing or not and if she did not what was the cause?, If she enjoyed one of those outings what made her enjoy it?

You talk of outings with your boys; how often do you take your wife on a date? You may have to do personal evaluation to find out the times you have made your wife feel good and loved especially when you are together on an outing or even at home. I would also encourage you to make an effort and find out what your wife‘s hobby is. Focus on making your wife happy and together you are going to make your boys the happiest.

Joseph Musaalo is a Counselling Psychologist