Thursday April 24 2014

She left me for a sugar daddy, now she’s back

The problem
Dear Heart to Heart, I met this girl while I was in secondary school. We become friends and later started a relationship. Three years down the road, she told me that she wanted to quit the relationship. I asked her why but she didn’t give me a reason. I let her go, but after one week, she called me and said she wanted to talk to me. I wondered what about, but she instead said she had a gift for me. I love her but another problem is that I once caught her with another man – an old man with a job. We are still at campus. Every time she asks me to be by her side, I get totally confused because I feel I don’t want to leave her and she seems to send the same signal. Help me.
- Anthem.
your solutions
Dear brother, I am standing with you in this situation and I advise you not to let your girlfriend go. This girl has not yet cheated but what she did seems to be a surprise to you. She only went for a week. If it was a year or longer, that would be another case. At times women enjoy to do annoying things just to test how much we love them. Just take it to be a love tactic, may be she wanted to play. For the other man you talk of, first find out what exactly it was. My opinion is stay with your woman and don’t panic because of just one week, unless of course you don’t trust her. May God bless you.
Andrew M

Dear Anthem, it is true you love this girl and I suppose she loves you too. However, what you should consider first is your security in this relationship. It seems this lady is playing games. She is not content with what she has, that is why she has a “sugar daddy” to cater for her other needs. She only wants to use you as a cover up in public. And I think she sees you as her brother and not a husband-to-be. I advise you not to continue with this relationship because this lady will drive you crazy. You will not be able to stay with her under the same roof, she will not respect you as her husband because after all, there are some other people who cater for her bills and other requirements, and do you think there is nothing for something? She has to fulfill their sexual demands as well. So, if you are ready to share your kingdom with other kings, then go ahead and marry her. You are still young so do not trouble yourself with such issues because there is someone meant for. Read Proverbs 19:14.
N. Ojambo

Follow your heart and remember whichever decision you make, you will have to live with it for the rest of your life.

Sit down with her and have a deep quality talk. Lay both your expectations on the table, find out which ones you both can meet, which ones you can’t and what you can’t compromise about. Talk about both your short and long term goals and see if you are both interested in the relationship. Above all, agree to be accountable to each other. With that, add prayer and believe me you will know what to do after this. Good luck.

Anthem, I am afraid I happened to be in your shoes some time back, where a girl is on and off. But the reality is she loves you but at the same time she is drawn to material needs. What I can tell you is that you do not seem far from the path to destruction, but if you really want to be with her, then find a way of satisfying her material needs, and test to know her health status, otherwise I ideally advise you to terminate the relationship.

Don’t leave her but go and take an HIV test, and talk to her about how much you love her, then also encourage her to be strong.

Dear Anthem, it is not good to start a relationship in secondary school. The reason being that at school you are expected to concentrate on your studies. Believe me or not, you made a big mistake. That girl is not prepared to settle down, she will continue to meet men who have money to maintain her status at campus. I doubt if you can satisfy all her personal needs as of now. Besides, she isn’t faithful to your relationship based on what you said in your message. Don’t let love blind you. Love has never been blind. Talk to her about her behavior, and if she doesn’t change or promise to change, let her be for good. You still have a lot to achieve, for example, getting yourself a job.
Pr. Allan

She is in love with love not in love with you. You are a man Anthem, suggest for a close discussion with her to find out her intention of this relationship. If not, soon you will be digging your own grave!

I smell a rat brother, First get her to accept a blood test, then if it turns out negative, try and forgive her and continue your relationship because you said you still love her.

Truth is that she doesn’t love you, but because she has not yet found what she wants, she can use your company at the moment. It’s only because you give her the impression that she is the reason you are still breathing. It’s up to you. Good luck!

Man, the only thing that can go back to eat its own vomit is a DOG. So think about it. Maybe she has some bad plans to hurt you secretly.

One thing at a time kid, finish your studies, then ask me what to do next. I’m sure you’ll get an answer.

counsellor’s take
Hope Nankunda Mwijuka, Healing Talk Counselling Services
Dear Anthem, when we are young and still in school, everything seems to be normal and direct. But when we reach campus, reality sets in. The needs of a girl are different from those of a boy.

At campus, girls become more materialistic, and then it becomes hard for a fellow student, who does not work, to sustain such a relationship even if they have been together since secondary school. Boys become disadvantaged because girls always expect a lot from their boyfriends, for things like lunch, dresses, money and taking them out yet you may both probably have the same amount of pocket money. When girls find men who are already working, the love for their boyfriends, whom they may be in the same class with may not be that important as that for the working class person (man friend).

At this point in time, I advise you to step out of the relationship because it’s clear the girl does not love you. If she had true love for you, she wouldn’t be cheating on you. You also need to pray about it but don’t feel bad. Instead of keeping someone who is hurting you, you would rather be alone and wait for the right person who will exhibit passionate and everlasting love for you.

Compiled by Roland Nasasira