Thursday August 28 2014

She left me without clear explanation

The problem
Dear Heart to Heart, I had a girlfriend and we had been together for four years. In May, however, she sent me a message out of the blue, telling me not to call her ever again. To date, I have no idea what happened, she does not pick up my calls, even when I send messages apologising for what I don’t know. I have scratched my head trying to figure out what I did wrong but I recall nothing. I love that girl so much and I feel I can’t live without her. She is my life, my future, and my everything. What can I do?

Your solutions
Ismail, you are getting hurt. I do not think this girl has found her dream man yet, you seem like a stop station. Do not complicate your life. All you have to do now is; do not call or text this girl, pretend like it is a cancelled game between Barcelona and Madrid, make yourself very busy, go to the beach, the Premier League is back, go support your team, let go! Listen to Kamuleke by OS*suuna, you will get what I mean.

What should you do? Aren’t you a man? Get someone else already. Women don’t know what they want. She wanted money, and indeed she never loved you. Don’t kill yourself bro, let it go and start a new life. Delete her phone number from your brain and phone immediately. God is rescuing you from something you couldn’t bear. Everything happens for a reason.

Is she the only one you have seen? Get serious! With millions of desperate girls around? Get 10 for yourself so that whoever disturbs you, just abandon.

You may think it is you who did something wrong, yet it is her. Stop saying you can’t live without her, she is human, so trust God to heal your heart.

Let her go! If she comes back, then she is yours and if she doesn’t come back, then know that she was not meant for you! Is she the last born?

I disagree, she is not your everything. Come on guys, by now you should know these female creatures well. Their hearts are like produce for sale, which goes to the highest bidder.

You are even a Moslem, why hustle with one woman. Move on, she never loved you in the first place.

I know it is really hard getting over a person you really love, but there is a time when you have to acknowledge defeat and let go!

First give her a grace period, then after some time you can call her. Trust me, she will tell you everything.

It’s not easy my friend Ismail, but you have to pull yourself together. Betrayal in a relationship brings with it many negative psychological effects and these worsen as one clings to the partner who isn’t interested anymore. People have had problems and serious ones by the way, but they talk about them even when they can’t be revived. It takes two interested partners to sustain a relationship. If one isn’t interested any more, the other has to look for a possible replacement.

You were dumped a long time ago and you are still hanging on? Come on, move on with your life, because women are like that, they think men are angels to know their hearts more than themselves.

She is not your life. When you move on, you will realise that she did you a favour by leaving you. Move on you will forget.

That pain will go. Many have been there but they chose to heal faster. Get something serious that will keep you busy.

There are many eggs in a basket waiting to hatch, just let it go.

You have a problem, because by the time you say she is your everything, then you should see a doctor.

That’s what happens when you give your all to someone; your life, your future. Ignore her, when she sorts herself out she will tell you why she did so, but for now, just know you are single and searching. Even if she gets back, don’t give in.

Counsellor’s take >
Betty Enyipu, psychologist at UCU, Mukono

Dear Ismail, the issue here is communication breakdown on both sides, but more from your ‘girlfriend’. You could have hurt her and acted on an assumption that you are not aware of what is hurting her because if there wasn’t anything, she would have communicated clearly. Though you have been apologising for what you don’t know, I am not sure of the content of the messages.

There is room for doubt that you do not know what is hurting her. Since you have been together for four years, you may have to consider approaching her physically and talking over the issue because she may actually be wondering what is stopping you from looking for her, much as she says she doesn’t want to see you. That initial message she sent you must have been prompted by emotion.

Though you don’t recall offending her, you may have acted in a way, or said something that you had no idea was offensive. It could also be that someone could have given her negative information in regard to your relationship. Also, look back at your communication when you were together and how you resolved issues before, if this is not the first misunderstanding. If and when you get back together, both of you need to see a counsellor to help you in conflict resolution. Exhaust all options to get back to your girlfriend.

Compiled by Roland D. Nasasira