Dear Heart to Heart, I met a woman who I fell in love with but later discovered she has a son. We moved in together and she took the child to live with her sister. Problem is, she now wants to bring him to live with us because she does not want the father to take custody. I do not want any contact between my girlfriend and her ex which will definitely exist if he has the child. What should I do?
Giu Bon. I have failed to understand why women from broken relationships are always stuck in carrying around children who can stay with their fathers yet at the same time they want the next relationship to stand. Look around you, even if the child’s father is capable and wants the child to stay with him these women will not handover that child without being forced. I am sure if there are 100 men out there dating such women 99 of them are uncomfortable. Imagine if you breakup with this kind of a woman she will carry the children to another man. It is the children that suffer in the end.
Dorine Akello. Love without trust is useless. How do you expect the father not to call and inquire about his child despite the fact that they are no longer together with your girlfriend. If you love someone, just give it your best and be the best father to the child. If you fail to treat that child like your own, that will be your downfall and the end of that relationship. All the best.
Nakabugo Irene. How can you ensure some one that you like her when you cannot stay with her son. If you truly love her, you should accept her son and let him stay with you as a family.
Geoge Tukei. Do not accept that boy in your family. He should know his father and his whereabouts. The fact that she is trying to keep the child from seeing his father should be a red flag for you.
Jolly Jollinz. Why did you fall in love with her yet you knew she had a child that you seem not to want any association with? I think you do not love her and you are just using her. There is a reason she is not with her ex and is with you instead. So stop being insecure if you want the relationship to work.
Namayanja Jane. Do not bite what you cannot chew. If you cannot take both of them, then let them be. There is no way your girlfriend will have a relationship with you if her child is not welcome in your life. I think you are better off looking for someone else who does not have a child.
Weere Meddy. That so called girlfriend of yours has a problem. So if she does not want the child to live with his father while she is out there looking for love means that she is denying her son true love. She thinks her sister can love her son more than his father? The child should be given to his father because at the end of the day you two will have your own.
Phoebe Miriam. How can you say you love her but cannot live with her son? If you had taken her son in it would expedite the process of her forgetting the ex and settling down with you. Let her bring her son in so that she won’t have an excuse of going out to see him which will ensure she meets the ex.
Nampa Patience Natie. If you truly love the lady, then you ought to love her son like he is your own. Irrespective of how you wish it is impossible for her and the father of the child to not be in contact. They already share a bond through their son and have to support each other to raise him. You need to appreciate the fact that she was open to you and let you know about the son Best solution is to bring the son home.
Justus Kankole. You messed up from the beginning. How can you date her with someone else’s child? A game will never get started when the other side has a goal and this is the same story with a relationship unless if you have ulterior motives.
Allano Hooks. My friend, it is a relationship. Take up the responsibility and fight by her side. That is the best a gentleman can do.
Sula Amisi. You should have known that marrying a woman or engaging a woman with a child or children is a risky step today because she will never forget her ex. And you will continue having problems throughout your marriage. Better quit before you start regretting.
Nsubuga Bart. Let the child live with you. Men can be extremely selfish at times. When you love someone, love not only the perfections but the flaws as well. Besides, if you did not want a woman with a child from another relationship, you had the opportunity to get out of the relationship but you did not. So, deal with it and move past that. Man up.
Omakwa Baptist. If you knew from the beginning that she had a child, you should have taken both to live with you. Treat the child as your own then love will flow from your girlfriend but the arrangement you had with her gives her the opportunity to meet her ex if she so wishes and if she is not trustworthy, something might happen.
Steven B. Tibulyakooye. The child has a father, allow them to settle their issue of the child which is none of your business. You need the woman not the child.
Nyakojo Donavan Alecs. If you love her, you have to love her with all her package. If you do not want the child then you shall have to end the relationship. Since you are not married yet, this is the right time to make a decision and make sure you use your head and not heart.
De Blak Afrikan. What are you worried about? This is just one child who you can easily take care of. I have just married a beautiful lady with three children and we are okay.
Stephen Langa, counsellor Family Life Network
Talk to your girlfriend
Dear Junior, your fear is understandable that your partner will be meeting her ex because of the child. The child has the right to get equal love from both parents even when they separated. It is absurd that you did not find out this in the first place and your point of action actually depends on how you want your relationship to be.
It is, therefore, important that you talk about this with your partner to see a way out and reach an agreement. It is the woman who should decide on whether they will get back to her ex or not. Your only way out is to have permanent binding factor with her.
If you think your relationship is important and you love her, getting married is the best security from her ex.