Thursday January 21 2016

Should I dump her to please my family?

By Heart to Heart

The problem
Dear Heart to Heart, I Iam a 23 year-old-man. I have a 20-year-old girlfriend. We are both at campus. We have been in a relationship for seven years now. I love her so much but my parents don’t like her because she is from a different clan. I am not willing to leave her because we love each other. All her relatives know me even the mother likes me so much and she believes I can take care of her daughter. What should I do? Should I dump her to please my family and disappoint her mother? Or keep dating and part ways with my father?

Your solutions

Manuel Sanroman Kyoya. Guys, post something that makes sense “am 23yrs old and my girlfriend is 20 years old, we’ve been in a relationship for seven years” now you mean that you started dating her when she was 13. Does that make sense at all?

Ssemwo Heroine Joseph. Parents should give their sons chance to choose marriage partners.

Emmanuel Brian. What is the meaning of defilement?

Sean Singular. Is it seven years in relationship or months? I don’t believe it. A 20-year-old girlfriend and you are in relationship with her for seven years now? No. How can you love a 13-year-old girl?

Jian Allan. I think its better for someone to make his or her own choice no matter the tribe. As per now they all know each other and they can make a family. Love is all about understanding each other.

Yada John Bosco. Dear Muzo, remember love has no boundary, so long as both of you are of the same religion. I have been in such a relationship for 10 years. You have already known your partner’s behaviours, even her mum knows your behaviour, talk to your parents before one of you commits suicide.

Owinji Micheal James. You were about to commit incest because your parents want you to marry from the same clan. Just continue with your love if you pay your own tuition.

Joseph Wamugoda. It is even fine you are from different clans. Then I think you just have to love him even harder.

Sheena Alex. Blood is thick, even when you part ways with your dad, he will still be your father so follow your heart. A clan is a dim issue to let go of your love. All the best!

Munguamani Faraday The marriage is yours but not your parents’ so it is up to you who is to be happy in this marriage not your parents. Just go ahead, I pronounce this marriage blessed.

Ogwang Gilbert. Who’s paying tuition for you at campus? If it’s your dad, please complete campus first then love issues will come later. Be at peace with your dad, complete university, get a job to begin with... Don’t get disorganised at 23.. Listen to your dad..!

Kwatampora Denis. Never do anything to please your parents, follow what your heart says. Remember God created everyone for someone.

Qarlpeak Hopes. Start your own family your other blood will come looking to bond with its own offsprings.

Hadz Blessing. Ignore your family and start yours.

Counsellor says : Ali Male, Uganda Counselling Association

Dear Muko, at university it is very disturbing and stressing for a parent to influence and make a choice for you especially about relationship issues given the lengthy period you have stayed in the relationship.
Relationships are emotions that are communicated in the mind. Any interruptions can always create psychosocial problems like depression.

Parents should understand that relationships are based on choice and once choice is made, interruptions will affect their children’s life. Please speak to your parents to make them understand and appreciate your desires and what choice you have made. This is not a career choice that they can influence but an emotional choice where they only need to guide you.

If there is commitment between the two of you and think you are ready to stay together, speak to a person who is from your girlfriend’s family to have a dialogue with your parents to make them understand how much they trust your relationship.

Some parents do not know how to handle relationships that they tend to over protect their children by influencing their decision instead of guiding them. As a result, the children get confused that they have to choose between their parents or partners which is stressing while others end up breaking the relationship with their parents or blaming the parents for the missed opportunity in the partner they may have dropped.
Compiled by Beatrice Nakibuuka

Next week’s problem

Dear Heart to Heart, I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is 34 years. We have just started dating and its a month now but he admitted to me that he’s married although going through a divorce but its taking long. I am having a hard time believing this because he says he still stays with the wife but its just for the sake of the children. On New Years day he said he couldn’t be with me because he was going to be with his kids, which was okay. But afterwards when I was going through his photos, there was a picture of his prayer request where he was asking God to strengthen his marriage. I later confronted him about it but his answers weren’t straight. And this is not settling well with me. All he says is that he loves me and I should trust him en help him finalise the divorce. One thing I hate is dating married men because its not right. Should I believe him or am I being played and being put in the middle of some misunderstanding of a couple?