When the way you spend your money becomes an issue

It is very understandable when you love your family and relatives in that when you always give them financial assistance, it is okay. But are there limits to how far you can go in giving financial help to them?
Imagine a man whose account is always open to his family; paying school fees for three of his divorced sister’s children, his grandmother’s treatment, tuition and hostel fees for his sister at university, who also calls every now and again for upkeep.
A responsible partner is likable, but one who carries a high dependence burden is repulsive.

Thirty two-year-old Suzan Timbigamba shared her reasons for breaking up with her ex-fiancé, with whom she had spent four years. “My concern was not about him spending money on his family, but, every time it came to me, my issues, or even himself, he had no money to spare. We would plan doing or buying something, say at the end of the month, but by the time I reminded him of what we had planned to do, he would have spent most of the money on his family already. He would never say no to any of his relatives and friends who needed financial help, he would lend out money, to people, who never paid back, contribute towards every wedding and introduction, but he would never spend a penny on me. He generally lacked financial discipline, a thing I couldn’t take anymore,” she narrates.
Mathius Walukagga, a local artiste, in his Bizibu family track sung about his exhausting and appalling experience with a woman who had an ever-problematic family they thought he was some commercial bank they would run to each time they needed money. Now, I doubt whether the feeling isn’t mutual for men in a similar position that he sings about.

While commenting on this, 40-year-old Christopher Sekitto, says, “It is obvious that you have to come in, once in a while to help your family, or your partner’s family, but if families become too exploitative and needy, one loses the heart to render a helping hand. And a partner who is always demanding for this and that, to take to her family is burdensome. Personally, before I take on any responsibility regarding my family, we agree about it with my wife, and the same applies when it comes to her family.”
This means that when it comes to issues of finances in any relationship, if the other party feels they are being exploited or deprived, it will create space for contention.

Twenty eight-year-old Azidah Namanda, a house wife, says, “Some of us come from very humble backgrounds where our parents or guardians literary sacrificed everything to raise and make us the people we are proud to be today. Not as though I am paying back, but to show that I appreciate, I would rather go without, but when my family and mother have what is enough and sufficient. If my husband’s things, money inclusive, became mine, then, my family back home has a portion and a right to share what the two of us own together, the same goes for his family.”
Explain why some people are willing to go that far, she emphasises that, some people are the sole providers of their families or they are the only people with the financial ability to help. In other cases, such people have a very strong bond with their families that it becomes impossible to detach them from it.

But truth is, surrounding yourself with all your family problems is not only a turn off to your partner, but has potential to scare them away, especially if you don’t consider their opinion about how far you should go in helping your family.
But this doesn’t mean you totally become indifferent to your family’s needs. Do the best you can, go the lengths you can, but don’t subject your partner to exploitation or deprivation in the name of making your family happy. That being said, some of the limitations to financial freedom is having many dependants, that little is left for one to save and self develop.