Heart to Heart
The ‘transport’ issue
Posted Saturday, December 7 2013 at 02:00
Man Talk. “She comes over, you have some fun and then you give her “transport”. What is that all about?”
I don’t understand the practice, and in fact, unless I know for sure she doesn’t have money, and then I don’t even offer it. Students never have money, she could chuck you for not giving her transport “yet I used my money to come and see you, and you are the one who asked me to come”. Civilised girls would get offended if you offered them money, see, it would lean towards implying transactions..
I think the timing is very important. We know well that wages are normally paid after a service has been offered. If you are not careful in this situation, you might imply that you are paying for a service! It’s a very tricky situation. After a while the dude will feel like he owns her…on the other hand she will feel like she owes the dude- even worse, feeling cheated and at times angrily demand each time the ‘transport’ is not given. Quite messy if you ask me..
But as it is, any money given in a relationship is (an investment) in that relationship. Unfortunately when things go bad, guys are quick to write it off as a ‘bad investment’.
The women have a harder time getting their heads around it…thus becoming victims in this case. So if you must give this ‘transport’, be very random and unprompted, otherwise the gesture might be misunderstood.
Smh...If we are assuming that she doesn’t work or is a university student then this figures. I know my friends have said that without realising it; we all actually pay for sex in some way.
Except that this transport makes it look more like I bought sex which I think is wrong. In my world, no man should ever have to pay for sex, at least directly, no woman should ever have sex because it was paid for, not directly at least.
So if she doesn’t have her own transport, why is she even coming? I think it takes away the whole pride thing, and I think each of us deserves a certain level of respected.
It is a fix, I think. Society seems to have it that a man who doesn’t give something back is a brutish Neanderthal. Back in the day, words were all that mattered; wham, bam, thank you, Ma’am. Not anymore, it seems. Today, there are even songs (Atalina Ssente tafumita lindaazi) that support the wisdom that words are not enough. So what else would put a man at ease after he has had the best of all worlds with this woman?
If he just sends her off, won’t she go out there and disparage his cred, mbu he is a broke a** loser? It is a strange world we are living in. Women want one thing but they also want something completely opposite. Men are playing catch up. The trends are pulling the men in a direction they might not necessarily want. Jus’ sayin’
Benjie, the liberal:
26, single and around
27 “the dating guru”
28, in a relationship
Jamie, the realist:
34, married, two children