The conflict that is naming children

A bishop baptises a child recently. Some couples conflict on what name a child should have and who should name them. Courtesy photo

What you need to know:

  • In countries such as USA, you can name your child almost anything but in Uganda naming children is one important task to parents. But what is in children’s names that makes couples fight about who should name them?
  • The conflict didn’t end between the couple because Akurut’s parents had to give an explanation since her husband had also wanted to name his son after his late father.

Beatrice Akurut’s parents named her first child (their grandson) after Akurut’s grandfather because she delivered while still at her parent’s home.

Later when she relocated to settle with her husband, she thought she would still call her son by the name he was given. But that sparked off conflict in her marriage.

The conflict didn’t end between the couple because Akurut’s parents had to give an explanation since her husband had also wanted to name his son after his late father.
In order to restore calm in the marriage, Akurut had to agree that her son be renamed after her late father in-law’s name.

Doreen Kagaba also named her son with a Kinyankole name because she became a mother while still schooling. The boy’s father was, however, Luo.
She says when she took her son to his father at seven years because she was getting married to another man, he asked her the meaning of the boy’s name and translated it from Runyankole to Luo.

What is in a name?
According to Chris Okech traditionally, naming of the children was done by elders. “As long as the elders of a clan are still alive, parents have little responsibility in naming children.”
The elders may want to name their grandchildren after a dead relative to signify reincarnation. “The dead are not dead.” But Okech says naming children should not cause conflict among the spouses. There should be an understanding between them.

But Pr. Sam Emmanuel disagrees with leaving clan elders to naming children. He says since his generation now begins with him, his wife and him should name their children.
“We give our children names that can bring them future blessings. It’s us to prophesy our children’s future not our elders. Our elders will give the names that suit their interests yet will cause negative effects on our children,” says Pr. Sam.
Simple issue to resolve
In case of a looming disagreement over names, parents should share in the naming; each parent suggesting their own. Charles Ochieng says couples instead should agree that the woman gives a Christian name and the man family name.
“Because of the nature of my work, my wife usually delivers our children in my absence. She names them but waits for me to give the family name. They are our children not for one of us.”
Unlike other women whose husbands give them the chance to name children, Akurut’s husband doesn’t. The mother of three sons so far says she had no problem with her husband naming their second born after him but when he attempted to name the third, she became disappointed.
“I thought he would allow me name him since we had agreed he would be our last born. My husband rejected the Christian name I had given and instead of asking me to choose another, he named him himself.”

Advice
Alfred Nasimoli, a counsellor, says naming of children should not be a big issue to the parents. They have to agree on the names they give their children.
As Christians, the names should call on God to bless the child. Nasimoli who said his wife became born again before him regrets that he preferred naming their daughter after his late grandmother instead of his wife’s choice “Mirembe” which means “peace”.

“But now my wife names all my children born after I received salvation because I have already seen the use of giving children names that praise our God visavis traditional ones without good meaning.” Nasimoli, says, though some parents may want to name their children after situations that affected them in the past.

In most cases the difficult situations which in turn will have a negative impact on the child’s future. For example, he says a child named “Anyeko” which means “I spoilt” may struggle to get blessings.
He added that others name their children after their ancestors whose life stories were not good and the child also grows up to follow suit.