The rise of unmarried people
What you need to know:
Singlehood at a glance. In the past, it was common place for everybody to find a marriage partner and go ahead to start a family. Not the same can be said about today as many youth seem stuck without befitting partners or have shelved the thought of marriage and family.
Radio late night love shows attract the highest number of listeners in Uganda today.
The reason is very simple. Radio presenters commonly known as ‘love doctors’, help lonely souls to find love and this is how it works:
Moses, will send his number to a radio station and tell the love doctor that he is searching for a marriage partner. This is accompanied with the specifications of the woman Moses wants such as age, religion, blood status and at times skin complexion preferences.
When the show starts, the radio presenter will describe Moses, then the type of woman and relationship status he wants and then read out his mobile phone number. However, like many others I was personally pessimistic on how lonely souls can connect to soulmates.
To put this to test, I decided to give my contact to one of the radio stations, where I described myself and the kind of woman I was seeking.
Surprisingly, immediately after the presenter read out my details, my phone was jammed with callers seeking to meet me. Majority were speaking in soft and ‘come-to-bed’ tones.
“I am called Jane Nangawa (not her real name) calling from Munyonyo and I want us to have an HIV-test. I am 24 years-old, and I am ready for marriage because I heard on radio that you are looking for a wife,” one of the callers told me.
Several other callers followed suit with some remaining just missed calls due to the overwhelming caller traffic.
To date, I am still receiving calls from women who are insisting that we should meet.
It still baffles me why so many youth seem to have failed to get partners yet are seemingly willing to settle down.
Rise of unserious men
Esther Atuhaire, a trained nurse, says the men who approach her are always unserious and not ready to take on responsibility.
“I have put marriage out of my mind and decided to focus on my career,” says Atuhaire now aged 29. She hoped she would marry at 26.
Despite mounting pressure from her family, she has decided not to rush and crush into a marriage not built on love and commitment.
“I will pray to God as I wait for my husband,” she adds with a hopeful look and nod.
Women liberation, according Batamanya, is another reason responsible for the current marriage crisis and the men may not understand how to relate with emancipated women.
She says young men want to see these young girls do what their mothers used to do for them but even if they can they will not do so.
Jean Nuwagaba, a counselling psychologist at Care Counselling Centre, says there are many more young adults these days than the previous decades.
“High population goes with scarcity. There is obvious competition for opportunities such as jobs, marriage partners, scholarships and marriage opportunities,” she says.
Nuwagaba says there is need for one to streamline their goals and priorities.
However, Eunice Musiime, the executive director of Akina Mama wa Afrika, blames the marriage crisis on the economics.
“The neo-liberal approaches to development that we adopted have led an impoverished population therefore it’s hard for one to say I am going to get married, have children and look after them,” Musiime says. “You find youth who should not be living at home with their parents are still there,” she adds.
She also believes that youth are pursuing careers more than marriage due to capitalism because these days it’s hard to find a good job with one degree.
Due to competition, the youth have been forced to pursue further studies shelving family and marriage because it is not what they think brings happiness.
While speaking as chief guest at Mukono Diocese Bishop William Ssebagala Silver Jubilee celebrations, Church of Uganda Archbishop Stanley Ntagali said the institution of marriage has lost meaning and as a result, world over, families are breaking up due to lack of love.
Archbishop Ntagali said families are being destroyed because some people don’t take marriage seriously. He urged Christians to engage more deeply in the beauty of marriage.
Poor parenting
Miria Nalongo Sekikubo, whose daughters are already married, says youth have diverted from spiritual ways and have very high expectations. “Girls want money from already established men whereas the boys fear responsibility that comes with marriage,” she says. “Parents are not guiding our children in God’s ways and due to western influence, they think that cohabiting is good,” Sekikubo observes.The president of Uganda Counselling Association, Mary Butamanya, who is also a marital counsellor, agrees with Sekikubo on parents not preparing their children for marriage like it was in the past. “They have killed our culture, Jane meets John, after two weeks they are in bed. Jane gets pregnant and three months later they are married,” Butamanya says. You find that Jane was not even a choice for John, and there was totally no preparation and guidance on marriage. “Our culture used to have people who journeyed with you. The uncle would advise the man and ssenga (aunt) the woman,” she adds.
