They overlooked the weave, but could not stand her English

But when the salads came, she loudly exclaimed ‘bino biki?!?!’, which literally translates to ‘what on earth are these things?’


BY Eugine Mugisha


Once, a friend of ours brought along a girl to our Friday hangouts. Immediately, it was obvious that she did not fit, and just like how selfish people can be, they ignored her the rest of the evening. Her crime was that she could not speak proper English, and she was not even ‘beautiful enough’ for the guys to overlook her broken English. So, for the rest of the evening, she was the brunt of their jokes. Fortunately, she did not get the jokes most of the time, she would even laugh along at times. Of course he never brought her back. It was like a warning to the rest; be careful who you introduce to us.
But then last weekend, I got hijacked by some girl I had met in a taxi one time. She asked if she could come hang out with me. I was going to meet with those same fellas, so I invited her along.
But the moment she walked in, I realised there might be a problem. She was wearing a wig. And not those nice ones that blend in, but the one she had looked very plastic.
Man, she looked like those women that cook food in the market. But I played it easy, I am a nice guy. So I asked her to come straight in and meet the guys. These guys are not actually bad people; they are just snobbish men who think they are smart. And they are not segregative as long as you can keep up with the conversation. For a while, she seemed to fit in, mostly because even with her plastic wig, she still looked stunning. And at least she could speak good English. I thought we had dodged the bullet. Then she leaned over and whispered to me; she wanted something to eat. I called over a waiter, and he brought the menu along. She asked for chips and salads.
But when the salads came, she loudly exclaimed ‘bino biki?!?!’, which literally translates to ‘what on earth are these things?’. At that moment, I knew it was over; my grace period ended abruptly, marked by the guys bursting out laughing. They laughed loud and long while, I sheepishly, tried to explain to her that, that was indeed salads.
But then she said, ‘No. I wanted just a little bit of salads, not all these things’. Well, they had brought her a plateful of salads. I told her to send it back if she didn’t want it. But then again, she insisted she would eat it. Which made the guys laugh even more. And for the next 30 minutes, she ate through the salads, to the amusement of the guys who could tell that salads weren’t her thing.
Why she simply didn’t send the stuff back, I have no idea. By the time she was done, none of the guys had the slightest interest in her, and she got bored by the conversations she could not understand. Finally, she had to leave. I offered to drop her home, she refused. She said we were rude to her - me and my friends.
The first question they asked me when I came back from escorting her out was ‘where on earth did you find ‘these things’? And they burst out laughing again. One man’s meat is supposed to be another man’s poison, and we are supposed to love and let love. But that is clearly more theoretical than practical.

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