Sunday June 22 2014

Three unwritten rules for bachelors

Guy code is essentially wolf-pack rules for harmonious living within any given community of bachelors. Rarely does it apply to situations where there is a fixed stable monogamous relationship.

In most social species, there comes a time when the young males must leave the comfort of their parental families and strike out into the world on their own.
Such males often end up bonding with each other into bachelor herds to find safety in numbers and also to increase social efficiency. It is a common occurrence in elephants, buffaloes, lions and finally it has become codified amongst the humans.

Usually these rules are determined by the pecking order that exists within the individual male groups; whoever is considered leader sets the tone for the rest to follow and are also determined by existing social norms and standards. (Basically anything we watch off MTV that we agree with we adopt as part of the rules).

1.Never let females be part of this secret. They are like nuclear launch codes, giving the enemy the keys to the Kingdom. God letting dear old Lucifer see the playbook. Never upon your hard earned male dignity allow a female to become knowledgeable of the contents of this code. This isn’t done out of bad faith but because we have long come to appreciate the female ability to meddle in that very special way only they know how to. So to preserve our rules and guard them jealously.

2.As long as you are a bachelor and outside the confines of a tried and tested stable long term well-thought out monogamous relationship, then your best bet is to entrust your life into the hands of your brothers. Don’t for a moment stop to think that maybe a female is a better choice to trust. See, a true brother places a lot of regard in the fact that you can trust him and he trusts you. In cases where he breaks this sacred duty, he can face admonishment from the rest of the group. However, the loyalties of females are harder to predict. Translation; These girls are not loyal. No offence to the fairer gender we trust you but only to a point beyond which we are okay telling lies. We find it a necessity.

3. I’m allowed to divulge is never applicable to these rules when the term bachelor no longer applies to you. This doesn’t include friend-zone escapees and those men falling in love more often than females we know. Those in such classes it’s a matter of time before they relapse so the rules still apply to them whether they abide by them or not. It’s simply a rule of life.

God in his wisdom gave us the Ten Commandments and in our sin we managed to systematically break all of them. Man gave himself the guy code; more voluminous than the Ten Commandments and more frequently broken. Since we don’t know who handed these rules down to us, we never know who to beg for forgiveness. The guy code is to help all bachelors survive the world.