Sunday July 13 2014

To marry an ex prostitute?

By Uncle Joe

Dear Ron, you seem to be at crossroads about your relationship. For instance, will other people label this relationship and say that you are in love with a prostitute? These could be some of the teething questions that are running through your mind.

This leads me to ask whether you knew this woman’s status before you became intimate. If at all you did not know her status and have just found out, this may then raise issues of trust. But if you knew her status then you might have had an idea about what you were getting involved in.

You seem to have developed close ties with your girlfriend to the extent of feeling that you need to take the relationship to another level. Openly discuss with her, her past lifestyle. It would also help if you knew the reasons that led her into prostitution. Was it poverty, lack of parental love, peer pressure or rejection? You need to see how you can help her deal with her past so that she settles down with you and especially if you both love each other. Love is a strong bond that can help you move on in life. These are some of the questions you need to find answers to.

You may need to find out the effect of this relationship on other people especially your close relatives and how they will perceive it and what you can do to mitigate these circumstances.

This woman may have joined prostitution due inevitable circumstances such as rejection but while there she had all along been looking for a way out, and in her search she gets someone who shows her love ...then this person can for sure settle down. I am aware, there are a number of such ladies who have been picked off from the streets by good Samaritans and rehabilitated through empowerment of survival skills and today they live a normal and productive life. They even hate their previous lifestyles.

If you are determined to take your relationship to that level, then you must be prepared to stand with your girlfriend throughout especially by showering her with love and care that she could have lacked then. The bottom line is that it is you and her that are going to live together if you decide to get married.

Lastly, never refer to her by her past life style even when you get misunderstandings instead help her to build her lost self-esteem. Seek professional counselling to help both of you deal with any emotional wounds.

Uncle Joe Musaalo is a counselling psychologist