Turn your unhappy home into a blissful world

Recently as my friends and I met for a little girly chit-chat, a story came up about a woman who was married to a rich man. He stopped her from finding a job, and gave her all the money she needed, but he wasn’t fulfilling most of his duties as a man (let’s skip the details). She was as lonely as hell! The girl in me woke up and we decided to think like girls. I am by nature an optimist, and along with the other brains, here’s a little advice we brainstormed for this woman, and anyone else whose home is like a graveyard.
Study your situation. If you are caught in such a mess, accepting it is the only justice you can ever give yourself. Why aren’t you getting some love? Why do you feel unappreciated? Why does he do things that hurt you? Once you are at this level, you know how best to arm yourself.

Do the things you love. Who told you that marriage or children should rob you of the life you once had? Yes, they might be added responsibility but I mean they are not a curse. Once in a while go do things that really make you happy; shopping, swimming, movies, etc.

Get time for yourself. Whatever happens to you, regardless of how you feel, never stop living. People matter but you matter most for your wellbeing. Once in a while call a cousin or friend to stay home with the children and go have some “me time”, go to the spa, dinner, get a pedicure or manicure, shop, or just hang at the café even if it means to just enjoy the aroma of the coffee.

Ignore the fella. Much as you are married to him, yes he is the head and he might be the bread winner, but come on, we are supposed to be companions - it is a two-way thing. If you are trying to force the situation, then I guess you have to back off, give him some space, do your things and let him do his. The only reason you feel hurt is because you are expecting a lot from him.

Look G.O.O.D! I wonder why we have to keep reminding married women to look beautiful. You may be staying home and find no reason for make-up, but hey, what’s wrong with looking nice for your mirror, children, maid or whoever passe by our home. Every time a woman feels they are no longer beautiful, no matter what the world will tell them, they will never believe it. So when you are surviving in your so called ‘marriage jail’ get out there and be the beautiful girl we used to know.

Utilise your friends. Hey, I do not go around screaming for help, but what’s wrong with giving your funny friends a call, a chat or a Skype call (load pakalast if you may) and talk about things that are off your current situation; old school tales, village moments or exes, believe me, you will find yourself laughing out aloud. This is medicine to your soul.

Find his weakest point. Every man has a weak point, it just takes a true girl to discover it and manipulate the fella. Some men are too sensitive about health, children, education, and wellbeing. Get that point where you know by just a mention of such a thing, you have his attention; use it in those moments when you feel you need him around and he will be in your palms. Young girls love using sickness and family to grab a guy’s attention and it works magic. Marriage is no different, it can still work.

Learn something new. The time my mother stayed home sick, she kept her mind busy; baking cakes, bread, and tailoring. She did all this during her low moments and by the time she was gone, we missed not only the person but her contribution to the home. Don’t just sit there pitying yourself, make your home merry, at least for the children. That way you will feel productive.
Get away. Find a day, week or two and just get away; sometimes our minds are shaped according to our environment. Save for a vacation, you don’t have to go abroad; there are a lot of places you can go to, even the village. Go away and give your marriage a thought, look at life differently, and when you feel refreshed, come back to your normal life eager to return. Everyone needs a break from the routine; this won’t break the marriage, who knows it might be a rebound for you and your spouse. Be positive. And if you find you have been replaced within that week, then you know, you had been replaced a long time ago.

Leave the jail. This is a WRONG solution but when the situation hits the block, you should be wise enough to surrender; most of you have done all your elders and friends told you to do but the situation just seems to hit a block. Could it be that you would be much happier without some bars around you. No one ever prospers in a jail, if your mind, body and soul are trapped. I am reminded of the story in the Bible where hunger hit the city, and the outcasts of the city were about to die of hunger so they decided to go to the enemies camp saying, “if we stay here we shall still die. Let’s go to the enemies, if they have mercy on us, we shall live, if they don’t then be it”. Sometimes leaving is the only right choice and if you are not wise to do it in the right time, you might be jailed for life.
So ladies, marriage is supposed to be a bed of roses, so if you see the roses fading in your garden and the water can’t revive them anymore, there you have it! Life is too short to be lived miserable.