Underwear war: Who should wash them in a relationship?

According to Stephen Langa, a counsellor at Family Life Network there is no rule about who should wash the underwear.

What you need to know:

  • He then asks his wife for clean underwear to put on. He is of sound mind and not physically impaired at all.
  • At the end of the day the attitude and expectations of your partner matter count the most.
  • It is, however, not anybody’s duty to wash the cloth that is in touch with one of the dirtiest part of one’s body.
  • It’s all about love.

First there was this wife who complained on Facebook about her husband not washing his underwear (boxers). The man, she wrote, piles his dirty underwear in a bucket, ignores them, until one morning he finds himself without a clean one. He then asks his wife for clean underwear to put on. He is of sound mind and not physically impaired at all.

And then there was this husband who also complained on Facebook about his wife being too lazy to wash her underwear. He said she piles them in a bucket for weeks and her excuse is that she wants to wash them at once. The husband found this disgusting and a sign of laziness.
It is a common habit to find people washing their underwear each time they take a bath. But some soak them and wash them once a week mostly at the weekend.
But then there are the marrieds. Those who feel their partners should do the washing because well, they are one and it’s their underwear!
Now this is the point of contention. Who should wash underwear in a relationship? I do not have a problem washing my partner’s underwear, I do not find it demeaning or shameful but I have a problem with is him thinking it is my duty. And so if a man tells me it is my role to wash his dirty linen, I would never touch them.

Private affair
Patricia says she is glad to wash her husband’s underwear. In fact she says her husband’s vests, pants and handkerchiefs do not get out of their bedroom. “I take them as underwear and hence a private affair.”
Patricia who often travels out of the country for work says her husband sometimes comes in to help with their underwear seeing as they soak and wash at the weekend. But she is quick to say the husband helps once in a while so sometimes when she travels, she returns home to a pile of unclean underwear for her urgent attention. “My husband, too, respects the privacy of these undergarments that even when I travel he would never give them to the maid,” she says.

Sign of love
But Allan, himself a married man, says he takes washing his wife’s underwear as a sign of love. He says it should not be a problem because they are one. “I think my wife and I are one but I also wash our underwear as a sign of love, care and responsibility. It can actually feel romantic too.”
Perhaps love is also manifested by Patricia when she says her husband sometimes joins her as she washes. “If he is at home and I’m washing the underwear, he normally comes rinses and hangs them to dry for me, I find this romantic.”

Some women, though, feel washing their partner’s underwear is a chore beneath them and is used by men to show they are in authority. Anna says she has never washed any of her ex-boyfriends’ underwear because she feels if a man does not wash her knickers, then she has no business touching his. “I wash his underwear and what do I get in return? It’s a give and take. I wash his, he washes mine there are no two ways about that.”
But Joanita disagrees with this and says if a woman does not wash her husband’s underwear, then who will. “I am not old fashioned but I wash my husband’s underwear. Most men do not fancy washing and this includes their underwear so should I give them to the maid?”

But yet, when a man does not like washing his woman’s underwear nothing will make him change his mind. Isma says washing underwear is a woman’s role which he would never tamper with. “If my woman washes my underwear, I would respect her more but I would never wash her knickers even if she was on badly ill.” But asked if he washes his when the wife is not in position to wash them he says he does. “Only if she is very unable and I have run out of clean ones. But saying she is busy does not count as being unable.”

A couple’s role, according to a counsellor

No rule
According to Stephen Langa, a counsellor at Family Life Network there is no rule about who should wash the underwear. He says married couples should behave like lovers in a relationship and not husband and wife.
“Once a couple behaves like they are lovers, they are able to do anything for the each other including washing underwear. Lovers can do anything to please the other.”

Shaped by culture
He, however, says sometimes couples behaviour is shaped by culture. Langa says culturally, there are things that are seen to be done by one sex and not by the other. “If therefore a couple behaves as husband and wife, they will be forced to be taught by culture and convention about who is supposed to what in a relationship thereby leaving the washing of underwear to the women.”

Attitude
At the end of the day the attitude and expectations of your partner matter count the most. It is, however, not anybody’s duty to wash the cloth that is in touch with one of the dirtiest part of one’s body. It’s all about love.

TIPS
Don’t overload the washing machine. To ensure thorough cleaning, wash underwear in light loads. ...
Dry on low. Tumble-dry items that contain spandex on low or air-dry them to prevent shrinking.
Hand-wash delicate items. As with fine bras and lingerie, anything with delicate lace should be washed by hand.