Want a girl to friend-zone you? Be too needy, too nice

What you need to know:

  • When a man approaches a woman he is interested in having a relationship with, the last words they dread to hear are; let’s just be friends! But unless you think through your approach, you risk being friend-zoned.

He sat on the floor, right in the middle of the sitting room, his legs raised onto the sofa and his back pressed against the small wooden table—the same posture and position he takes every time he comes to my muzigo.

Chin in hand, he turned as though to call for my attention, then asked almost nonchalantly, “What did I do wrong this time?”

I ignored him and went on pressing hard on the gamepad I held in hand. My eyes remained glued to the TV. I was in the middle of a FIFA video game and didn’t want to waste my Saturday lecturing this 22-year-old on the same topic I had tipped him about countless times.

“Seriously man, this time I did everything right.” He continued, perhaps seeking my approval, this time sitting upright to delve into the details I already knew and quickly pulling out his phone to show me the message that was now the cause of his midmorning mayhem.

The message, or rather messages, were from Rhona, a girl he had been pursuing for the past two months if not more. It was a long thread but right at the bottom sat the words, “We should just be friends”.

Yes, my boy had been ‘friend-zoned’ for the zillionth time. As it turned out, he had just taken this girl out for a movie date the previous night. They sat right at the back, giving them desired privacy in an almost empty cinema.

All was good, long fits of giggles from her side. She was indeed enjoying this, and given that the best my boy had done in the whole two months-long chase had been a hug, he decided to seize the opportunity and go for the home-run this time.

He attempted to steal a kiss from her, and that is when things went south. She said no. That was followed by silence and awkwardness and indeed when the movie that now seemed to last eternity ended, he escorted her amid burdened conversation and she left. That same night came that text. She said she saw him as a friend and things were to stay that way. Oops, such disturbing finality!

But why always him?
Well, for starters, this boy of mine, like many other men I know, has had a few fleeting moments of success with girls. Many times though, he finds himself being asked to settle for just a friend. He does not know why, so for the umpteenth time, I will give him a brief insight on how this cookie really crumbles.

Guys don’t just end up in the friend-zone, mate, they do things that put them there. These are what I call the nice guy sins because they start and end with being too nice.

Have you met guys who are so interested in a girl they start offering to watch her favourite soap opera with her in the hope of scoring more marks? Well, such is the kind of obsession that will book you a ticket to the friend-zone.

I once had a friend who liked his new next door neighbour. He never talked of his intentions, but since they had a water-shortage problem around the block, every time the taps ran dry, he would offer to fetch for her water from half a kilometre away. He hoped that would earn him a boyfriend spot. By the time he said the words it was too late. She did not just see him for a friend, he was a water boy; too needy, too nice.

Such neediness traits may even be projected through your texting. You do this by being too emotional, too relentless.
She may ignore one text then watch you dig yourself into a hole of neediness by following it up with a quick other, then 10 more texts that all go unanswered. Before you know it she wants you for just a friend or nothing at all, because not many women will want a man who is too interested and too needy, at least not for a boyfriend.

“Have you met guys who are so interested in a girl they start offering to watch her favourite soap opera with her in the hope of scoring more marks? Well, such is the kind of obsession that will book you a ticket to the friend-zone.”