What do you do when they say I love you too soon?

When you start dating someone, it is natural to assume the L-bomb is going to get dropped at some point. But when you are not ready to meet them halfway, how are you supposed to react? explores.

Brenda once shared a story of how her workmate asked her on a date a week after he joined the company. Brenda says she was not only surprised by this, she was also shocked that this man started professing his love for her immediately they met.
“It sounded like a voice from an unknown world. It was weird, my heart skipped, I could not believe this man because I was neither desperate for love nor looking for someone at that time,” she reveals.

Did she then tell him off or did she just walked away? Brenda says she smiled and asked him to give it time since they did not share the same feelings. Brenda says that telling someone how you feel is okay if you have been together for some time. It then gives the recipient a reason to say, I love you too.

Do not lie
Evelyn Kharono, a relationship psychologist, says none truthful responses of “I love you too”, just to make the other party comfortable or happy is dangerous and should be avoided at all cost. “Lying will be like introducing dishonesty in a relationship because you will never do something from the heart but always do things to impress that person which is not good,” she says.
“When a man meets a woman and is interested in her, he will take the first step to ensure that she understands his feelings,” she says, adding, “There is no specific format of how a woman should respond when a man confesses his love for her.”

Kharono says the conduct will depend on people’s personality and how different they were raised. “Those who were raised in a more liberal home may straight away express their feelings and say they are not ready or if they are ready, say they too love this person,” she says, adding that people who were raised in a more strict background will in most cases keep quiet or be non-responsive for fear of being judged by the opposite sex.

When Tom was asked how he would react if a woman expressed her feelings towards him, he honestly replied, “I would automatically give a positive response because I want to get intimate with her. I would take it that this woman is too easy and is ready for anything. This is the kind of woman I would not want to settle down with because I would not trust her.”
Shammah on the other hand says if a man said I love you too soon, “I think I would laugh it off and tell him to mind his words because, love is not just a statement, it comes with responsibilities,” she notes.

To her, it is quite challenging to tell whether the person is serious or not, especially if you have just met the person. “Knowing their motives is not easy and I will need all the time to study them and know whether they truly love me,” she explains.
Culture

Kharono says sometimes the way someone responds is also related to culture. “One’s conduct goes as deep as how different cultures teach girls to behave especially when approached by a man. For some, it is seen as a privilege to be approached by a man and a woman will definitely respond in the affirmative. In other cultures, it is a taboo for a woman to approach a man and profess her love to him. Even when she has these feelings, she will have to keep them to herself until the man approaches her.”

However, experts disclose that how one responds might depend on how long they have dated or how much they know the person. Christopher Senyimba, a counselling psychologist shows the need to listen to your inner voice. “Pay attention to how that person feels about the relationship and commit only when you feel it is the right time to do so. Do not rush, it will save you mistakes,” he cautions.

Senyimba says love is a commitment that comes with not only words but a lot of responsibility. This means that before you are ready, never lie to your heart as well as the other person. “Wait for the right time, true love is never rushed,” he notes.
He, however, emphasises politeness. “Being polite to this person does not cost you millions, it is rather in order to openly give them reasons you cannot respond to their expectation than embarrassing them.

In conclusion, Kharono says women love emotionally and men rationally. So when people have dated for long, the feeling will be mutual and the answer will come naturally.

During a passionate moment
Sometimes during the heat of the moment like kissing a person love is mentioned. Blame it on the hormones, excitement, and the rush of adrenaline. They could be lying to get what they want, or more. For the ladies, we want to hear these words, it is romantic, and some men know this. For the guys, it could be that she has other motives as well. Use this as a test to better gauge if this person is even worth seeing a movie with.
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