Thursday August 28 2014

When I get married is no one’s business

By Kiiza Akiiki

Have you ever felt like the whole world is watching you? Your siblings, relatives and neighbours are giving you sleepless nights because the clock is ticking? They want you to bring a man home, and they do not understand why you can’t make it official with John or rather introduce someone. And this does not only happen to women. Truth is, I have met men who experience the same pressure. For some, things are so bad that people are even talking – insinuating things that could relate to that Bill.

But look at yourself, the way you waste energies worrying about what people say and regretting about that man/woman you let walk out of your life — the same one who hurt you. All you ever feel is fear, pressure and insecurity. It is depressing!

I recently met a girl who told me how she has been disappointed in numerous relationships.
“I met a boy way back in my Senior Four, we dated until we were in Senior Six. But while in my S.6 vacation, things turned upside down after I told him that I couldn’t have sex or bear children then. It wasn’t meant to scare him away but because of the nature of family I came from. My parents would kill me if I conceived before finishing school,” Ritah says.

Ritah lost contact with her then boyfriend two years ago when she joined university. Although she hurt badly, she managed to pick up the pieces and console herself with someone else. Unfortunately, the relationship ended in three months.

“Out of the blue, Tony started accusing me of cheating. He only based on the fact that his number was not saved in my phone. He failed to realise that only indicated how much I loved him, I could ring his number without first revisiting my phone book.” There she was nursing a second heartbreak.

She adds that after a while, she met another man at her sister’s graduation party. “Three months down the road, he asked me out but I had not gained confidence in him yet. It’s later that I realised he was actually hooked to one of my friends’ colleagues. I got so hurt because I thought my third chance was bringing me someone I would live with forever.”

Ritah is only 25 years old. You can’t imagine how worried and frustrated she must be after failing in these relationships. Most of her colleagues are getting married and her relatives are on her case, pestering her to settle down. She is soon completing university and she can’t imagine leaving school without a man. Why wouldn’t anyone in such a dilemma think that they are cursed or have bad luck?

All your friends are getting married and probably to rich men, your relatives are saying, you are getting old, the tension is mounting, you find yourself counting all those 20 men that you turned down. But isn’t the whole idea of taking up a demanding institution such as marriage all about you? Before those people demand for a man, do they even know how many heartbreaks you have nursed? That you have things to fulfill on your bucket list before you commit yourself?

Take your time girlfriend, the right one is coming. Remember God sets and delivers only when the right time comes. Let’s marry when we want.