When men fight to show their masculinity

Masculinity has a different meaning for everyone depending on the upbringing, experience, and social environment which are major players in determining one’s view of masculinity and manhood.
The influential factors in shaping one’s idea of manhood are race, class, ability, sexual orientation, and gender. Gender often plays a hidden but highly important role in men’s lives, and men can play a vital role in addressing or promoting inequality and violence against women.
Daniel Gashumba, a social worker, acknowledges that men are strong but they must use their strength to protect their families.
“Yes, men are strong in order to protect the family from any kind of abuse. They are obliged to do heavy jobs like lifting things, loading truck, farming, construction and other work that requires strength,” he says.

The fighting comes when we create quarrels with other people, or when we want to undermine other people, to rule over or coarse them to do things we want. However, fighting is sign of lack of tolerance among men. There are always regrets after fighting. Negotiations, forgiveness and love for humanity can work better instead of fighting; respect of a man is based on their gentleness not body strength or size.
According to Stephen Langa, a counsellor at Family Life Network, cultures that create inequality in our gender to make it feel like one gender is superior and that the inferior one must be shunned.
“Any man who has to prove he is a man by fighting has a problem that needs immediate help. Respect is earned and not demanded for. You will surely get respect from the way you conduct yourself in terms of character,” he says.

In a relationship, there should never be a reason for the two of you to fight because you are mature adults who can sit and talk over any issues. The way you handle your woman is the same way she will treat you. Force will never yield anything. She will instead be afraid of you because you are likely to inflict pain upon her.
Langa warns, “To all the men out there, if a woman is afraid of you, you have lost it already. You are not a man because she does not respect you. You need immediate help on how to enjoy rather than for your wife to endure the marriage.”
Sometimes it could be because they have failed to take their responsibilities and instead resort to violence as a way of proving their strength. However, this is instead abuse of power because these are issues that can be talked about instead of fighting.

Gashumba thinks that men who beat their wives to prove to them that they are men are disrespectful and take the wives for children. “She is not your child that you are disciplining her. She is an adult with whom you can sit and talk over issues.”
According to Lois Nakibuuka, a freelance counsellor, women are increasingly becoming more exposed and knowledgeable about issues from different media platforms. Scenarios are played from various corners and that makes it necessary for their men to behave differently if they are to win their respect.
She says, “Women respect men who are productive. Laziness invites insults so some men instead fight to prove they are men. Fighting is a sign of failing to use your heads in other ways. Animals fight because they do not have any other ways of communicating. ”

What it means to be a man
Being a man is derived from our inbuilt character. It is not about being able to fight or sleep with many women the way people think these days. To be a real man means being confident enough to accept defeat. It means having grace under fire, being dignified, having pride but not boastfulness, not whining or winging.
Langa says, “It means having a good and violent free relationship, using your strength to protect rather than show it by fighting. Humiliating women by beating them to make them comply is not manly. It is instead cowardly.”

How to be a man without fighting
Be knowledgeable about things. If you are smart and can answer questions or give relevant information about different things, your woman will refer to you all the time and trust you to know what to do. In this way you maintain your position as head of the family.
“Try to be in charge of the situation and have an alternative in case things do not work out as planned. Also consider what your woman is feeling and thinks and be ahead of her needs and wants to provide them. She will give her allegiance to you knowing that you have her interests at heart. Selfishness does not win you any respect,” says Nakibuuka.

Speak your mind sometimes because if you never speak your mind, you will always have a sense of diminished masculinity and know how to treat a woman with respect. “Manhood is not demonstrated by strength but by character. It is a secret duty for men to protect women and children. No woman should ever be abused in your presence. This will surely show you are a man,” says Langa.
He further advises men to be consistent promise keepers, reliable and responsible as well as meek with their strength under control, then they will be able to earn respect rather than fight for it.

Opinions
Childish. “Fighting has never been the solution to any challenging situation. I feel it is a childish act. Couples must therefore learn to solve issues in the gentle way by talking over the problem instead of fighting,” says Paul Kiganda, an administrator.
Violence. “The whole idea of masculinity brings violence to the fora,” Joan Namayega, a teacher says.

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