Heart to Heart

When she gives you an ultimatum

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By Kato Joseph

Posted  Thursday, February 11   2016 at  02:00

In Summary

HARD TALK. Many men have gone through that phase, when she finally says ‘it’s is either this or I do that’. But how do you handle that situation, writes Joseph Kato

Have you ever thought about what you would do if your fiancée gave you a wedding ultimatum? If you have never envisaged it, better start.


Gerald Gimugu, a resident of Kigusu a Kampala suburb and Mugabe, an accountant working with an Asian company on Nasser Road no longer imagine, but have lived the reality.


Mugabe’s fiancée, Natukunda, has threatened to call off the relationship should he fail to wed her by April. Her excuse is that for three years, they have been dating, the latter seems not to have any intentions for an official wedding.
This graduate of accounting and finance currently earns less than Shs500, 000 per month.
“I told her that the money I am collecting is for buying a plot of land. She insists that I should wed her before April or else she will quit,” he stresses.


The 26-year-old wonders whether he should listen to his fiancée’s advice or proceed with his earlier plans. Majority of his friends including his elder sister who educated him reason that he should let the girl go.
However, he doesn’t seem ready to lose this girl since he has loved her with all his heart. In addition, he fears how the people especially those he had introduced her to, will perceive the news. He fears he might turn him into a topic of discussion.


Similarly, Gimugu’s wife whom he married eight years ago has vowed to quit the marriage should he fail to build her a house by the end of this year. To prove her seriousness over the matter, she abandoned their home and apparently he does not know where she is.


Sarah Namboozo, Gimugu’s young sister says her in-law told her that her brother has no future and thus she was too good to stay in his rented room. Gimugu has filed a case of a missing person and was seen on local television pleading for his wife to return. Further, he warned anyone harbouring his wife to take her back because they are religiously and traditionally married.


“I am ready to resume life with my wife if she returns. I want her to come back and we continue with our marriage so that we can raise our children together,” a teary Gimugu spoke before cameras recently.


What others say
Esther Nakacwa, an administrator thinks one should not force the continuity of a relationship which could make you miserable for the rest of your life.


“I wonder why someone would claim that he or she cannot do without the other. There is no one who is irreplaceable. You just need to learn how to let something go rather than strapping yourself with a bomb,” Nakacwa reasons.
Aggrey Matsiko, an accountant buys the argument that a young man or woman has no reason to keep his or her heart in agony in the guise of protecting a relationship.


His first girlfriend almost misled him when they were in Senior Six and he was quick to flag her red. He alleges that his girlfriend was pestering him to steal his father’s money so that they could get married.


Another girl he purportedly chucked was a fellow graduate who had advised him to abandon his job because it was not of his class. At the time, he was working as a receptionist at the company where he is now the accounts manager.
Matsiko claims that he gave his girlfriend two options; either to quit or never to advise him on anything related to his career. The angry fiancée chose to part ways and since then they have not crossed paths again.
“I have one child now and his mother is happy because I have money to look after her. Soon, I will be completing my house. Imagine where I would be if I had gone by her advice. My mind cannot be corrupted by fiancée advice,” Matsiko says.

Counselor’s views

“Relationships ultimatums are usually fuelled by parents, relatives and peers. It is, therefore, important to assess your spouse’s behaviour from the time you started dating before you reach conclusions.
A wedding is not an assurance that one will not quit because there are many who have abandoned their marital homes days after taking marriage vows. Someone who is really ready and concerned about development would not support having a wedding when she knows that the landlord will be on your neck for rent even before the end of the honeymoon.


I think people who are in relationships entwined with ultimatums should sit down with their spouses and exhaustively envision the future for their relationships.
In case your arguments do not reach a conclusion, you better let you partner live in peace than becoming a hindrance to his or her future happiness.

Shallon Mbabazi, Relationship counsellor at Uganda Counsellors Association


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