When the elders say, fight for your marriage

“I have done everything possible to save my marriage but I cannot fight anymore...I am leaving him,” Anna said as she broke down in tears before her aunt. Anna had been married for more than 10 years and had been wearing a disguise of a happily married woman yet she was suffocating in her marriage. With each day that passed, she regretted why she had said, “I do” to Isaac.
The ‘sweet’ Isaac had turned into her nightmare that watched her every step, the shadow that robbed away her happiness and the prince that had kissed her with poison. At first Anna thought he had been bewitched, but who could waste their energy on that?
They had many verbal conflicts, where each would be determined to prove a point no matter how damaging their words would be to the other party. They separated rooms but kept under one roof. No one was ready to bow out and with time the bridge became weaker.
Finally, the pain was unbearable; they put off the mask and decided to go separate ways. It is not what Anna had wanted and neither did Isaac.
After listening to Anna’s story, the aunt told her, “marriage is not a bus where you stop at a certain station. Fight for your marriage because it is not for the weak hearted.”
“How?” she asked. “Sacrifice your feelings,” she said. “Feelings are to help you find the right partner but once you do, you do not need them anymore. Feelings can build your relationship but they can also be your destruction. Do not do things because you feel like, do things because you have to. Do not cook only for your husband when you feel like but because it is your duty. Do not run your marital duties basing on how you feel. If you have the headache, take the painkillers but do not turn your back on him.
Apologise even when your heart says otherwise; do not let anger steal away the respect you have for each other.
Your marriage is like a child, it has to grow simultaneously. You do not play deaf when a child cries, even when a mother is busy, she will always find time to feed her baby. Her responsibility to the child does not depend on her feelings. Why then do you only respect your husband because he has left kameeza (loose) money? And why do you only talk to him when you have had a good day?
Fighting is not physical or verbal; any marriage battle is won first from the mind. What the mind perceives, that is it. Trust, admiration and respect are a slave of the mind. Once you capture your spouse’s mind, the heart will fall suit.”
So now you know that when an elder says, “fight for your marriage” she/he is not advising you to bring out your kung-fu style and neither does it mean attacking your husband’s mistress and pulling her hair. You just have to up your game and win smart.