When you have to fight with him for the mirror

The next time a man visits your home, just tell him your TV stopped working, and before you know it, your kitchen knife will have evolved into a screw driver and your coffee table a work station. Never mind that you did not ask him to repair it.
As long as he is sufficiently clothed, colours and texture do not matter, not even mismatched socks. When a man looks in the mirror and there is nothing to write home about, well, that is what makes a man, isn’t it?
Men enjoy getting dirty. Or so we are led to believe. What with tinkering with car bonnets, changing tyres in a minute, and trying to repair any dysfunctional thing in sight.
Not always though. Some men are now more aware of their feminine side than ever. And wanting to look good is not a preserve of gay men.
For Emolsa Hasacha Isa, a model and photographer, the fact that people tell him he is prettier than his girlfriend only adds to the perfectionist in him.
“I am sexy and I have the body that people would die for. So, I take time on my looks,” Isa says
Although he has curly hair now, a few months ago he had baby-locks.
“You will find creams, hair oil and eye whitener on my dressing table. There will also be lip balm. My craziest outfit is a neon green vest with a plunging neckline. When I wear it, I do not mind the stares I get when I walk down the street.”
This comes from a man who in the morning, preens in the mirror and empties his entire wardrobe, wearing and discarding clothes until he finds the perfect outfit.

Who is the metrosexual?
He is straight, sensitive, and urbane. Mel Gibson Ahamize, a model scout, DJ and editor of a style magazine, believes that a true man should be groomed.
“Gone are the days of the grizzly bear, although culture will dictate otherwise. When I was growing up, everyone, including my parents, told me that I was cute so I try to maintain that. My bathroom shelf has shower gel, hair oil, perfumes and my bling,” Ahamize says.
Metrosexuals spend a great deal of time and money on their looks. They are the kind of man you will hear going on about how “I only shop in London or New York when I am attending a conference.” You will never catch him stopping a mobile vendor to inspect his merchandise of trousers and belts.
Delighted by every stare he gets, he probably spends the same amount of time in the mirror as his girlfriend.
“When going out, it takes me the same time as my girlfriend to get ready, which is usually an hour. So I am always late for my appointments,” says Ahamize. He adds though, that he no longer wears lip balm.
Mindful of his body shape, Ahamize works out every morning. But where Ahamize is slight, John Iwueke, a model, commands attention.
Tall, good-looking and heavily-muscled, Iwueke says he has always wanted to leave a lasting impression on others.
“Since I am also a fitness trainer, my free time is spent working out to get the perfect body. I have always wanted to look good, I want someone to see me and take a really good look.”
Though that he is not extreme like other men in his circles, Iwueke admits to looking in the mirror all the time to make sure there are no blemishes on his face.
On his dressing table you will find hair brushes, gel, creams and perfumes jostling for space. He also carries a comb in his bag.
“I am a man, but I am unique, and that is what being a model is about.”

Blurring gender lines
In an age where women are breaking gender stereotypes, why should anyone care that some man spends time in the mirror? Picture a man, in his favourite bar gazing into a mirror, and pursing his lips.
He will attract snide comments, but the times are gone when he would have been lynched.
“Everyone was up in arms against men who took extra care of themselves,” says Ahamize. “But now the gays took the heat from us. Everyone is focused on them.”
A metrosexual is definitely more effeminate than his father’s generation. While other men will be out having a raucous night at the bar, he will be found at some wine-tasting function, exhibiting the perfect manners.

Narcissism
Traditionally, masculinity involved restricted emotions, disconnected sex, and pursuit of status, self-reliance and aggression. Modern masculinity is not an easy concept to understand.
While a well-groomed man will make his woman proud, they are not comfortable with him having standing appointments with a manicurist or hairstylist to shape his eyebrows.
Because they are narcissistic, these men are self-absorbed. Everything they do is geared towards making them look good; they even wonder at women who let themselves go.
“Other men used to make me feel inferior but when I looked into their shiny faces and saw their sweaty bodies, I took the higher ground. And in that, I definitely draw more attention from the girls than they do.”
“I guess it is just in someone’s nature,” says Iwueke. “I grew up in a family of four boys and two girls, so you cannot say my sisters cocooned me. My brothers also groom themselves but not as much as I do.”
Isa says even though the metrosexual man is now accepted by society, “I am careful about what I wear and where. I would not put on clothes that draw attention to myself in a crowded place.”
On whether he gets hit on by gay men, Isa answers in the affirmative, “After our shows, we get accosted by gay men, especially backstage. But my standard answer to them is that although I am pretty, I am a straight man.”

MEN HIT ON MY MAN BUT WE JUST LAUGH ABOUT IT

My boyfriend is what people would call a metrosexual man but I prefer it that way. Compared to other guys, he is easy to talk to because he understands me. I can talk to him about virtually everything because we do things together.
Because he is sympathetic and open minded, my parents are happy with our relationship. He is a man who loves to look good and wears make-up. There is a men’s beauty make-up kit in beauty shops and he owns one.
When I am shopping for make-up and I see something good, like foundation, I will buy it for him. He also buys me make-up. Since we both love to look good, he knows what it means to apply shoddy make-up and he will tell me if I do not look good.
Of course, he takes a long time to get dressed, since he puts on clothes and discards them until he gets what he wants. His hair also takes time to organise. Sometimes he wants to pull it backwards, other times he wants a wet look. Sometimes he wants to change its colour. This really takes time but I am now used to it.
On our dressing table, you will find an assortment of perfumes and creams, but his foundation and lip balm is always there.
At his bar, men hit on him because they think he is gay and I am just his friend. But we laugh about it and politely tell them off.

Lolah Adhama, model

FROM THE HORSE’S MOUTH

“I am sexy and I have the body that people would die for, so I take time on my looks. You will find creams, hair oil, and eye whitener on my dressing table. My craziest outfit is a neon green vest with a plunging neckline,”
Emolsa Hasacha Isa, a model and photographer

“When going out, it takes me the same time as my girlfriend to get ready, which is usually an hour. So I am always late for my appointments,”
Mel Gibson Ahamize, model scout
& style magazine editor

“I am a man, but I am unique. My free time is spent working out to get the perfect body. I have always wanted to look good, I want someone to see me and take a really good look,”
John Iwueke, a model

Counsellor’s take> Ali Male, Uganda Counselling Association

Extreme metrosexual behaviour is actually a call for help. Behavioral problems do not scream out loud, they just manifest in the way a person behaves. To explain these cries for help, some claim they are getting in touch with their feminine side.
Men who grew up with only girls or were pampered by single mothers, confuse their sexual identity and want to behave like their sisters.
Some women go into the labour ward expecting to give birth to girls and are disappointed when they have boys. They bought clothes for girls and will continue to treat the child as a girl because that attitude is not easy to change.
Depending on the culture they are in, sometimes metrosexuals are not accepted by their families.
Effect on relationships
The behaviour of metrosexual men might bring stigma onto a relationship. People will point fingers and talk about the man, thinking he is gay, yet he might not be. Both situations are still heavily stigmatised in our society.
In some relationships, a man’s metrosexuality might deter the sexual feelings of his partner. Most women, when they are intimate with their spouses, will prefer to see the masculine appearance and side of their spouses, instead of the feminine side.
If there are children in the relationship, say, aged between three and 12, they may be confused on which behavioural pattern to follow. Children usually do what their parents do. Not being sure on what to follow can have a disastrous effect on their future.
On the other hand, the primary sexual figures of children between three and six years are their parents. Children at this age are interested in the opposite sex, so a young girl of that age will not know how to relate to her metrosexual father. This will affect her emotional relationships as she grows.