“I cried before she could say yes,” was the headline of last week’s Heart to Heart magazine. The picture tagged along the headline was of Brian Mulondo, a reknown TV presenter and his wife, Manuela.
In an interview, Brian told of how this girl made him toil before she could give him a green light into her heart. He revealed how he borrowed a car and drove 80km at night, just to go and see Manuela after a friend told him she had gone to Jinja.
“It was then that I declared my love for her, but instead, I sounded like one of those characters in Nigerian movies,” Brian said. Today the two are proud parents.
Oh, how I love to think about love! To love, it is said, and to be loved is the greatest happiness of existence. In fact, I am yet to discover a greater feeling. But along these thrilling thoughts, disturbing thoughts can’t help but come to mind; when men do everything for love but never get loved back.
When a flowery relationship suddenly goes soar, it can be painful, but what is even more painful is love that is rejected. You see, love is not like an apple that if I wanted to give it to Juliet and she refused, I can as well go ahead and eat it myself, no. The creator of love designed it in a way that love must be given and received.
Emmanuel Jean Kamya, a social worker with Scripture Union Uganda, wonders why women always want men to first plead before they accept their proposal, yet in the end we are all beneficiaries. “I would not weep over love! I would put the proposal before her and then give her time to think and pray about it. At the agreed time, I ask for her response. What she says is what I will go with,” Kamya says.
I have not wept for love yet, but I identified with Brian’s experience. I use the word “yet”, for who knows, someone might have read Brian’s story and would want to subject me to the same - I hope she never does!
This question may have been asked a million times, but again, what do women really want? You see, poor Brian might have “wept”, yet someone else may look at it as a weakness in any male. And for reasons only known to her, this woman will not make any signal – if only they spoke their minds. For instance, what would stop me from lifting her on my shoulders as we trail Kampala road, if that is what she wants? God knows I would be glad.
Richard Kasibante, an accountant, claims women enjoy seeing men on their knees. He says, “It is inherent in them (women) to see you cry, mbu that is how they know whether or not you have true love.” “The funny thing though is that they later go back to their closets and cry for having made you cry.”
Edith Nakato, a loans officer at Dream Microfinance cannot agree more, “Before you cry, I cannot prove whether you are real. Tears reveal a bit of brokenness. So I love those tears if they come from one slain under the power of love.”
Flavia Nandugga, a student at Makerere University, however disagrees with a man having to cry for a woman. To her, if a woman makes you weep, then she is not your woman,
“A man is not supposed to cry over “simple” issues. Cry because he has been rejected or dumped, really? A man is only permitted to cry upon the death of a loved one, and not even for long, because he is a man,” Nandugga says.
But Joy Wandeka, an IT specialist, says it is never a woman’s intention to make a man cry. This is simply because before a man makes his advance on a woman, he first thinks through it, going in with a potential ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response.
Nothing comes easy
Wandeka adds though, that sometimes women just let men go the extra mile because it is true that “anything you get so easily, you do not value much.” “But whatever you strive to get, you value it jealously. It is not bad to cry over a woman if in the end you will get her, because once she accepts you will be assured of her love, and you, you will value and respect her. Besides, it also shows her how serious you are, that is if the tears are real,” Wandeka says.
But how about girls who play hard to get, isn’t that squeezing tears from a man’s heart, or rather eyes? To this, Wandeka says sometimes a man may love a girl when she does not have the same feelings for him or she is already committed to someone else, and no amount of words would convince him so.
“In such a situation even if you sat him down and explained, he may not listen, so you may not be able to stop him from crying. It may not be that you were rude to him, but turning down his proposal makes him cry.”
So guys there you are; to cry, it seems, is a bet. You might win or lose. If you win, you have the last laugh. If you lose, you hope that it sinks in and then you can go on and hunt again.