Women without table manners are a no no

The date was going really great, but then I noticed they had been staring at us for some time. Every time our eyes locked, the old couple looked away and pretended they were not looking. It was at one of those upscale dining places on Acacia Avenue and I thought it was the culture to stare at a man and woman sharing a table.
Then I realised that my date had been chewing the toothpicks and napkin and subconsciously dropping the ‘pulp’ on the floor.
That was in between small talk, before our orders arrived.
When the orders did eventually come, Peaches — yes, that is a girl’s name — grabbed her plate, lifted it to her mouth and for about five seconds, made the loudest sip of chicken soup.
She then cleaned the soup dripping down the side of her mouth with the back of her hand, soiling the sleeves of her white corporate company shirt. Not done yet, she looked at my plate, reached out and picked one of my pieces of sliced pork.
After throwing it whole in her mouth, she wondered why she never ordered for what was in front of me instead of chicken.
“We could exchange,” I offered, clearly irritated by how the first date was turning out.
“Nah,” she said as she crunched away. “Pork makes people fat. And I want to keep my figure,” she continued, a foam of saliva forming at the corner of her mouth and the food in her mouth clearly visible.
The girl in a checkered skirt behind us laughed.
I cringed. This was clearly getting unpleasant. How can one woman have so many flaws when it came to table manners?
Peaches could not even realise that her mouth was still full as she picked another piece of pork off my plate.
When she eventually decided to pay attention to her plate, she ate too fast as if she would never eat again, burped more than twice and used fork prongs to pick her teeth.
I know of men who crunch while eating and never stop talking even when their mouths are still full. I have shared a table with men who lick their extremely dirty fingers, one by one, after eating. In fact, last week I chanced upon a former workmate who picks his nose while eating. It is gross, but it will pass because we are men. We can spit in a friend’s face and plate as we discuss the weekend’s football games or Kayihura’s brutal Force over lunch. I would never mind a man who chomps and smacks while eating.
But for a woman to belch loudly or munch, is a turnoff. It is a deal breaker. How can chewing with a closed mouth be rocket science? This was no longer ‘my’ Peaches.
Peaches before opening her mouth was everything you would desire in a woman. How did Peaches even make it this far in life without knowing how to close her mouth while eating? I did not even know women like Peaches existed.
With such manners on the first date, I started imagining whether she ever took a bath. In my mind, I saw smelly feet and very dirty underwear.
When she excused herself to go to the ladies, I paid and left because there is no room in society for women with bad table manners.