Thursday November 16 2017

The age gap between us worries me



By Beatrice Nakibuuka

Dear Heart to Heart, My boyfriend and I have a large age gap between us. He is 48 I am 24. He had given up on love after several unsuccessful relationships. He makes me happy but these relationships have traditionally been looked at with suspicion, with assumptions such as ‘she’s only after his money’, ‘he’s old enough to be her father’, ‘sugar daddy’, among other things. This makes me feel insecure. Will people respect that we are both in the marriage for love when I marry him?
Anna M

Your Feedback

JE OB. Haven’t you heard of couples in the same age bracket separating? What you are battling with right now is the mindset! I am sure you won’t be young after dropping a few children and that man won’t be looking older either! Scrutinise him as you would do any other man in your age bracket. Forget the age and focus on the person he is period! Always marry your choice!

Smiley Pretty Martha. Love is not about age, but the ability to understand and appreciate someone the way they are. Are you happy with him? If you are, keep him and ignore words from other people. You will miss out on the man of your dreams moreover that age is perfect considering that women age faster than men.

Ed Ynwa Kisst. If you were a minor, I would say you are his daughter. But with a whole 24 years of age and you still care about what people say when you actually love your man? It is only a difference of 24 years. How can a mere number scare you away from the man of your dreams? Wait when a 19-year-old takes him away.

Rwot Yine. Let’s do the math, in 16 years you will be 40 and in menopause and your man will be 64 at least his libido will have lowered then and you two will focus on raising your children.

Nampa Patience Natie. There are moments in life when you should not mind people’s opinions but rather stick to the facts. You are in love with one another and would like to start a family together, stick to that and prosper in your relationship irrespective of people’s perceptions. The two of you alone know what you want and ought to go by that.

Phoebe Miriam. What matters is what you both have agreed to do! If you are both in love, go ahead and get married. But at 24, I wonder why you cannot look for a man on the same footing so you raise a family where you grow and age together? Why should you become a widow early in case he is really single?

Davidrobert Balambula. What are you in it for! I advise that you concentrate on what works for you. People will always have an opinion to which they are fully entitled. Mind your business and instead of changing others, work at changing yourself. There is so much in the world to care about than the age of your mate!

Omuge Joseph. Your peers may have nothing to offer you. Just focus on what God has given you; after all do you know how many years you will live in this world? You may even go before him. If he had no value, people would not be talking, lose him the same people will laugh at you.
Ntwatwa Daniel. Celine Dion first met her husband and manager, René Angélil in 1980 when she was 12 and he was 38; a difference of 26 years. They loved each other and demonstrated one of the most stable relationships until when her husband died. If he loves you, go ahead and marry him. Let no one derail you from loving a man who loves you. His age is still okay for you.

Moses Earthe Those talking bad about your relationship have more problems in their own than you. You be happy with your man as long as he makes you happy. I have seen young men in relationships cry.

Peter Paul Balikuddembe. Go check in the Bible and see how old Ibrahim was and the maid that gave birth to Ishmael, then you will not mind much about the gap. I suggest you go with the one who makes you feel loved, the gap does not matter but what you intend to do when you get married. People will always talk no matter what you do.

Gratiano RwabwGratiano Rwabwega. The people who genuinely want to see you happy will respect your choice. Of those opposed to your situation, 90 per cent of the women would like to have him even if they do not deserve him, and 90 per cent of the men want you for themselves even if they do not deserve you! The choice is yours.

Counsellor’s say
Evelyn Lufafa, counsellor at Ssuubi Medical Centre

Dear Anna, you must be overwhelmed by societal norms because of the popular messages today about cross generation relationships. However, what is important is that despite your age difference he still makes you happy.
Before walking down the aisle, you need to critically think and be sure you truly love this man. Take time and find out if it is true love or you are not looking for a fatherly figure as this can be achieved and you turn around when it is too late.
Consider 10 years from now and figure out your lives together considering that the older one becomes the more susceptible they get to weaker health. So as you are in your prime youth your husband will be approaching retirement. Will you respect and take care of him even at his weakest point?
Public opinion should not be your only gauge but instead how you see your future together especially after considering that love is a decision and not a feeling. Same age relationships have their share of problems but they are more likely to happen when there is a big age gap.
Generally, people will always raise an eyebrow at couples who are far apart in terms of age especially at anything over 10 years. However, there are so many other things that matter more when it comes to long term relationships than how old the two of you are.