The girls did me really bad back in the day
The dating game is an interesting arena for any man worth his salt. Like the gladiators in the Roman Empire back in the day, the feeling is close to being thrown in with lions, bears, snakes, and dogs…no man gets into the game and comes out unscathed. Battle scars, broken hearts, unfulfilled promises, being played, physical and non-physical fights; there is a laundry list of stuff that you could get into.
My uncles told me to hate the game not the players. They also told me to wade through this maze by this motto: “Date many, choose few, trust one”. Indeed, when I was on that side of the fence, I followed their wise counsel. I discovered that the opposite sex comes in as many species as there are in the animal kingdom. But the ones that intrigued me most were the drama queens! Here are some that I “survived”, that we still reminisce about on a boys’ night out with my buddies.
Ms Testimony: I met her in a bar. After a dare from the boys, I approached her and told her “I love you”. Little did I know that this phrase was the magic key. I earned respect from my buddies as we chatted the night away and ended up gloriously drunk back at the crib. Nothing happened, if you want to know. By the third day, I began having second thoughts. The girl needed to hear me say “I love you” as many times as I can manage to say in 24 hours. She needed me to testify my “love” like a junkie needed a snort of cocaine. By the end of the second week, I had to deactivate my phone number, change my door locks and take a vacation to put her in my past.
RiRi: This one had a rock-chick look that I fell for. She reminded me so much of Rihanna and was equally as adventurous. She wore the skimpiest outfits that would make me blush, smoked a joint or two, knocked back a few shots of Tequila, and danced on tables. She was also very intelligent, I was very fond of her. That was the fun part.
On the other side, she was jealous, possessive and short-tempered. She felt she was always in competition with other women. If I as much as talked to another woman, she would blow a fuse, throw F-words around, as well as scratch and scream at me. Eventually I had to plan my exit; it was not easy, mehn!
€$$¥: I spell her name with a Euro, dollars and Yen signs — you will know why in a short while. Essy was what they called “hawt”. A smoking—hot chick! Every man, apart from the parish priest, wanted a piece of her. They would call, text and approach her with all kinds of promises. And she knew how to play them and get money from them. For some reason, she liked being with me. I was not jealous of the attention she got; I felt that it also boosted my ratings. But I had to pay for it, she asked me for money every time we were together. One time, this generosity ran its course and got the opportunity to end things when she called.
Our conversation went thus: Ring, ring (She is calling).
Me: Hellooo
Essy: Hi darling, I’m stranded in town, please send me 20k.
Me: Eh, Essy, I donated my money to 40-40.
Essy: What is 40-40?
Me: It’s a charity, 40 Smiles over 40 Days.
Essy: Msssschewwww.
She hang up. Mnnnh! Some chicks!
