Dear Heart to Heart, My husband and I got married in 2014. But his behaviour started changing after I delivered our first baby in 2015. He started coming home late and yet he does not drink and even stopped sleeping in our marital bedroom. He assured me there was nothing wrong. After six months he told me we were not meant to be a couple. He has now proposed a divorce. I’m confused and do not know what to do. The worst part is that we are born again Christians.
Take heart my dear! It is the thrill of new love that is blinding his sense of judgement! Just let him go since he says he is no longer interested in the marriage. Many men are that way, when they are in a new relationship they make rush decisions. Let him go to his new lover, he will soon find out that all women have flaws and the difference is in type and magnitude and come crawling back when you no longer regard him with the same respect or even love him. He is not a born again Christian! He deceived you. Just move on, you will soon get over him.
After delivering that is when he realises that you are not meant to be a couple. Well, let us consider these options; before you gave birth you used to watch your weight, take good care of yourself and your husband and now after the baby, you do not mind about yourself anymore and the baby demands more attention making your husband feel left out. What are the things you used to enjoy together with your husband, re-focus on them despite having a baby. Dress nicely, wear your makeup, manage your weight and give your husband the attention too, better still visit a marriage counsellor.
The reason could be you distanced yourself from him after birth of the baby and diverted all attention to the new born. This made him feel lonely. It happens to most men when their women give birth. Just try to remind him about the beautiful baby both of you have and engage him in the child’s upbringing. Let him feel what fatherhood means.
Peter Paul Balikuddembe.
Love is not forced my dear. I wonder though where among the born agains the word divorce is in Jesus’ words concerning marriage. Anyway that is not the big issue now. What you are left with is to look for all means to raise the little one. You don’t force yourself on him. It will make him think he is the world’s greatest. Let go of him and find something to do to satisfy all your desires and the child. You love him yes, but you do not need to force him to love you back.
Sometimes we miss one thing. Even the born agains are human beings who make mistakes. However, at this point trust in God more than ever. Some things are not meant to be, and because we are not paying attention to the Lord we keep pushing and what the Lord does is to let you go through with what you want, and then He comes back and talks to you because then you will pay attention and make a better decision. With one baby, you still have many options. People get married again even when they have four children and they find love again. Just be strong.