Will I ever get the right man?

I am a disabled female aged 29. I have never been in a relationship because all my life, I have had a fear that no man will accept me for who I am. I used to think that all men who approached me only wanted to take advantage of me amd probably add onto my problems. Even those whom I turned down never made a second attempt which confirmed my fears. However, as time went by, I realised that each day that passed I became lonely. I kept occupying myself with my favourite hobbies like going to the beach every weekend, visiting my friends and hanging out a lot.

However, those activities have ceased to fill the void I feel inside. I started working five years ago and this exposed me to a variety of men who usually tell me that I am a beautiful woman with all the right virtues but it always ends at that. But, lately I have been receiving a lot of attention from married men and other men who do not meet my expectations by even 10 per cent. I don’t want to get involved with them because I am aware of the problems that accrue from dating married men. I don’t want to be involved with just any man just because I am disabled and have limited choices (as my society believes) Please advise because I feel miserable.

Rhoda

Readers' Answers

Talk to God
Every character/appearence in this world has people who like it. So, the one who likes you is on the way. Sorry that it has taken you all that long to get married. However, I advise you to get saved. It is God who will give you the right husband. For when you abide in him, it will never be too late.
Kaaya.T.T. Masindi

Be hopeful
It is not a mistake for you to be created as you are! Being disabled doesn't mean you won't get the right partner. Rhoda, there is a crippled woman I do know very well, she crawls, but she got married.
She has a happy family with her three children. Wherever negativity comes in you always tell your heart, "I am a lady with all features." Being 29 years old doesn’t mean you are too old. Some women get married in their late 30s and they get happy families. I don’t think there are only married men who approach you. At least there must be some singles among them, but you haven’t noticed. Pray to God, what you see as impossible is possible with Him.
Jacinta. B. M , Luzira

Don't give up

Rhoda, the fact that you are working shows that disability is not inability. You have to appreciate what you are, and also acknowledge that you are not the first woman on this planet to be in such a state, yet many have made it in their careers and even in marriage. Take your time and you will not be disappointed. Don't give in so quickly because you never know; those rushing after you may have their own hidden agendas. Mr Right is on your way.
Richard Kissa, Namugongo

You will get a man

Thank you for sharing your experience with us and also for being alert about men. Remember that disability is not inability. There are men who will not look at your disability, but rather your good side. Just be patient and pray to God and when the time comes, you will get your dream man who will truly love you.
Eddie Luyima, Kawanda

Don't rush

You are not the only one in this situation. I commend you to keep your head high as you wait for the right patner who is there I can assure you. From your story, you are not settling for less and stop feeling miserable and accept your feminity just like I did myself and finally I found the right man. Don’t rush for love or any man that comes your way. Keep enjoying your hobbies and pray, that is what I used to do. Also, live your life to the fullest. You are not too old to lose hope of getting married. Don’t mind what society says about you, just don’t give them attention. Remember, if you rush anything, it is you to suffer the consequences not the society around you.
Wendy

Open up your heart

Thanks for acknowledging problems that culminate out of dating married men. Falling in love doesn't mean that you should rush to sleep with someone. Get to know a man who makes a move and take your time to study him. A man who has a long-term interest in you will not rush to take you to bed. Show your interest in him too, you will see things working out for you. All you need to do is open up your heart and take your time. I wish you the best of luck.
Solomon Aguma, MUK

Blame yourself
Rhoda, I am sorry to say, but it seems you are the cause of your own problems. One, you do not believe in yourself. Who told you that disabled people can never get people who truly love them? I also think that maybe you tell off men who approach you in a rude way which scares them from coming back to you. I am therefore suggesting that first of all, get over your insecurities and be polite to the men who approach you, get to know them and may be with time, you will get one who suits your standards because Mr. Right never has those words written on him, you are the one to determine whether he is Mr. Right or not. But try as hard as possible to keep away from married men.
Lilian

Work hard
YRhoda, we all have disabilities of some kind. Yours is just visible, but for most of us, it is hidden. Some of us have bad tempers, terrible manners, are liars, snobs, too quiet, too moody and so many other things. So, for starters, don’t look at your disability as different. Just look at it as something that everyone can see compared to the other types of disabilities. Secondly, the most important thing a person can have is their character and personality. There could be many beautiful “whole” women out there, but if they are just after money, they will soon be caught out.

A good and honest man will look for a good and honest woman to marry, regardless of what she might look like. So let your character draw men to you. Be polite, humble and good natured. But be also proud of who you are and what you have done in your life. Do not let other people trample on you. Do not expect or invite pity. That just worsens the picture. Instead, show you can do things well with little or no help. Above all, be yourself. Don’t strive hard to be wild or an outgoing person if you are not that type. After a while, you will tire of it and your true character will show itself. Do not lower your expectations of what you want in a man even if people tell you to do so! They will not end up living with the man, you will. So you are better off marrying a man with the qualities you cherish. Know that you are not perfect and seek to learn how to improve yourself.
Carol, Kampala