Dad’s authoritarian ways only made me rebellious

Because my father was so tough, I ended up escaping from school and devising all means possible to escape his, and nay authority’s, watchful eye, shares one 25-year-old.

“Most children, especially teens, are quite familiar with the tough-love parenting phenomenon, and I was no exception. The kind of situation where the parents set the rules, limit all your movements and all other activities. I grew up with a single father and I guess this could have been one of the reasons he was always very strict.

Whereas many of my friends and neighbours had curfew too, the case was a bit different for me. We were never allowed to go anywhere. The only time one was allowed to go out was when you were either running errands for my dad or going to church and school. This therefore meant that it was really hard for me to make friends since most of the time I kept to myself. This made me a very reserved and withdrawn person.

Many times when I returned to school and many of my friends were chatting about how they had been here and there, had visited a particular place in the city, I had nothing to talk about, because I had been indoors the entire holiday. I always longed for the day when I would also be allowed to step out, visit night clubs and all the amazing malls and fun places my friends always talked about.

At the time, I thought that maybe my dad was being protective and that with time, hopefully when I got to A-level, the situation would change. However, things just got worse. For A-level, I joined a single sex school and I could say this was when my wild side actually came out. Being a single school, it would be widely expected, most of the girls in my class were really wild.

Many of them would leave school for whatever time they wanted, mostly a week, and return later. The easiest way was through finding any fake reason that would guarantee you a pass out from the authorities. With time, I found myself embroiled in this drama. Many times, the excuse of fees defaulting always proved to be the easiest way out.

This was in Senior Five and it was also about this time that I started taking alcohol. I cannot say I’m proud of this, but I saw it as the only opportunity I would use to get a life outside my home and school. You see, Dad’s rules did not stop at having us locked in doors the whole time; we are not allowed to entertain visitors either, whether male or female.

I think my dad was doing this because he thought he was protecting us and being a responsible parent but I do not think that would be the best way to bring up your child because despite the fact that I had limitations, I am now at the university and I reside in a hostel.

This means I get some time to be away from his watchful eye, so, I make the rules and I can go wherever I want at whatever time I please. I think parents should learn that their children have the mandate to live their lives as they please and a parent cannot determine the turns and twists a child makes in his or her life. The role of the parent, I think, should be to guide and advise a child accordingly and it is up to the child to follow the advise or go astray. And tough-love parenting sometimes borders on abuse.”
As told to Gloria Haguma