Sunday July 22 2012

Dating an “alpha female:” does it make you less of a man?

By Ian Ortega

An alpha female is the true definition of B.I.T.C.H-Babe In Total Control of Herself. Talk of a strong woman with a stronger personality, both assertive and dominant. “She is confident and assertive. She is good looking and intelligent. She is sassy, bossy and classy – all at the same time,” writes Jonathan Aslay in his book Dating Without Drama. “And, when it comes to relationship ready men, she prefers to run the show and have the final say.”

To date or not to date her
Many an egocentric man would never date such a woman. Emmanuel Ssebakigye, a comedian with the Crackers, is one of those men who would not attempt such a relationship just to keep his manly pride.

However, in situations where she becomes the alpha-female in the course of the relationship, then Ssebakigye thinks he would stand such a woman. “For as long as my position remains clear as a man, then I would stay in this relationship. Men are designed to play the lead role. Unless she is ready to remember that I’m the head of the family, we may have to part ways,” explains Ssebakigye.

Men like Joseph Tamale thinkS it better not dating one. “Her family will always perceive you as a gold digger no matter how hard you try to make this relationship work.” Those who subscribe to the adage of love being just a number think otherwise.

“You cannot put boundaries to love. whether she is alpha or omega, she deserves love,” remarks Suev Iverson, a Spaniard on the Bigeye website and Facebook page. Picture this; she chases you down, hooks up with you, solely contributes to the wedding and off you are with her in a relationship.

Two years down the road, she dictates the family budget, she is the dominant figure in the relationship, and sometimes ,a slap or two with it. Think that is all there is, she calls off the marriage and gives you the ditch right into your face.

The book Advances in the study of Behavior puts up a phenomenon that Alpha-females tend to raise their children better. During a case study of 3000 women, alpha-mums were found to raise academic giants and more assertive children in the struggle for success. Anna E. Rasa also notes: “Men that come from families where a woman exuded more power were found to be very respectful of the fairer sex, though daughters from such relationships tended to have short-lived marriages.”

Whereas a beta female may give up her career just to follow her man who has been transferred to a new job post, this rarely happens for an alpha-female. This is because alpha females tend to define themselves by their careers and accomplishments. “An alpha-female will not give up her career just to follow a man across the world. Her career defines her, even when it means her leaving her marital home to pursue greater financial growth, she will. Giving up her career just to follow you is equivalent to losing her identity. She would rather end the relationship with you than give up her career just to be supportive of you,” writes Enigma in the best seller; Natural Approach: A Free-flowing Men’s guide to Courting Quality women.

Already dating an alpha-female?
Perhaps, she seemed to be a better woman during the initial stages of your relationships. Slowly, metamorphosed into an alpha-female.

Perhaps, a baby is already on the way, yet, you find she has taken over the manly role in the relationship. Dennis Kyagulanyi, who runs a private counselling firm, thinks it is best for a man to first examine himself. “Look deep within your actions, perhaps you became much of a sissy, shirked your manly trait and in the end, you created an alpha-female.”

If you are such a man, then, Kyagulanyi advises you to rediscover your former self, answer to the questions of what makes one a man. “However, if you have been the man you are supposed to be, then yours might be the case of a natural alpha-female.” In this case, the best to be done is to adjust accordingly, be open with her and let her know how you feel about the situation.

A male in a relationship with an alpha female may often find himself agreeing with his mate even when he feels differently because arguing with her is a wearisome process and she is likely to win anyway. He often feels like a “Yes man” and the marriage may feel to him like one in which he is dominated.

To her, it may feel boring because there is no one to match her strength and power. Whether to date an alpha-female or not remains a personal choice. The best is to know beforehand what to expect once in such a relationship