ON PARENTING: When love must be tough

I know of a Ugandan in the UK who bought his first flat when he was in his first year of University. He had gone to the UK on a scholarship to study but before that had worked his way out of secondary school working odd jobs. He had done gardening, fetching water and ferrying of building materials at building sights to make money to top up his school fees.

Because of that, it was not hard for him to save money in the UK which he used to buy the flat while his contemporaries enjoyed life so to speak. When asked how he had made it he said something to the effect that it’s the parents who badly groom and fail their children.

I found his comments quite nerving and while am not I’m ambassador for child labour I think he really has a point somewhat. So, I took the time to reflect on how am raising these young Ugandans who call me Mommy. It occurred to me yet again that when raising children, many times our love should take on a tough exterior.

I mean I think of the many times the young lady has frowned because I have sent her to wash the dishes in the kitchen or that I have asked her to mop the house before watching her favourite TV show. The other day the young man was not pleased to note that he had to do some housework before he could go outside and ride his bike….as his father joked that I was practicing child labour!

I’m a firm believer in necessity being the mother of all creativity and I think I must find creative ways of creating some necessity in my children’s lives. I believe when some things come easy we tend to take them for granted and many times we actually do not value them. So, despite the running hot water, me thinks it is ok for the children to shower cold water every once in a while and yes even on rainy days! I think it is okay for the children to wash the car and not to demand any payment in return and sometimes I really do not have to explain myself when I take certain decisions.

I believe in asking the children ‘How will we do that…?” as opposed to always proving the answers because the real world out there will not always provide answers. I actually believe that by loving my children very much, sometimes that love has got to be real and has got to be tough!

­— jmabola@yahoo.com