Die a little to live a lot

Men too need life coaches to guide them through different aspects of life. Brian Mutebi attended a four-month Men’s Academy in Kampala and now writes about principles men ought to follow to win both at home and work.

Imagine when the best piece of advice given to you is to die; to die so you can live. Sounds crazy? Well, that is what renowned American author, preacher, speaker, professional counsellor and founder of Men’s Fraternity, Robert Lewis, recommends for men.

To become an all-star man, Lewis suggests, a man “must die a little to live a lot”. He calls this the “Paradox principle” where a man must give up himself for his wife. It means acting selflessly and sacrificially.

Earning her points
Lewis argues that a man gains a single point for every good thing he does for his wife and a man cannot gain as many points to arouse his wife unless he lives by the Paradox principle.

“Remember arousal for you is 10 seconds but arousal for her is 10 points,” Lewis observes. “So if you want a blissful night,” Lewis illustrates, “make sure you die a little during the day.”

That is what was contained in session 4, “Staying close to the woman you love”, one of Lewis’s 16 series of video lectures on winning at work and home that composed the just concluded Men’s Academy in Kampala.

The academy running for the second year gathers men from across professions for training, learning and sharing experience to become productive and progressive men.

Find winning formula
This year’s Academy was facilitated by Stone Kyambadde, coach and founder of ResponseAbility Alliance who started off with an equally candid remark.

“It is dangerous to win at work and lose at home,” he said. Kyambadde suggested that a man’s success at the workplace, in terms of promotions or pay rise may not count much if he fails in his responsibility as a man or husband at home. A man thus needs to cultivate a formula to win on both fronts.

Meet her needs
“You determine your place on the manhood team as a sideliner, starter or all-star man,” Lewis noted. A sideliner watches as things happen. A starter lacks the determination to finish while an all-star man is he who “knows his wife’s key needs, personality and love language and actively engages them”.

Money is not happiness
Lewis urgued men to have a big-picture perspective on money. “Money promises happiness but the facts say otherwise,” he stated. “Once the basic needs are taken care of, money begins to compete with your happiness.”

Money, Lewis said should “connect us to helping others and to a greater purpose than ourselves, which are major ingredients in personal happiness.”

Excel at work
On “winning at work”, Lewis discussed subjects like coming alive at work where he said a man must have the right dream, personal assessment, pace and focus to excel at work.

He emphasized the importance of a man making a name for himself at work arguing that “a good name is not given, but made, and work and your name travel together”. He stressed man’s character is critical to his success.

God, a personal trainer
On matters of faith, Lewis said men ought not to take God as a divine waiter who they can call upon whenever in a mess but rather a personal trainer who guides them in the way they should go.

His siblings remember Batte as a very cheeky boy who was fond of crying even if no one had beaten or hurt him.