Monday August 11 2014

LIVING AND LOVING IT : We cannot over learn the need to tolerate others

By Carol Beyanga

I have learnt that if a person does not take your criticism or advice positively, you should not hold it against them. Maybe they are not ready for it yet. Maybe it makes them uncomfortable because they see an ugly truth and do not know how to deal with it.

Perhaps they understand and agree with what you are saying but are too proud to admit it because they will feel vulnerable if they do. Maybe now is just not the time for them to deal with it and your guidance will work for them in the future. Just don’t let their reaction stop you from helping another person.

I have learnt that if someone does not reciprocate your friendship the way you would like, you do not have to turn your back on them and put a freeze on all communication. It could be that the person is not sure how to be friends.

Maybe they are afraid that they cannot bring the friendship what you expect. Maybe you have overwhelmed them. Give them space if they need it, but do not give up on them.

I have learnt that if close friends disappoint you, you should not cut off ties. They are human beings, prone to making mistakes. Sometimes, they are so ashamed when they realise the folly of what they did and the embarrassment holds them back from showing you how stupid they feel.

Or maybe they have different perspectives on life. Do not let those differences, unless they compromise the relationship, put you apart. Plus, the world would not be as colourful if we were all the same.

I have learnt that if your relatives do not pour as much into your life as you expect them to, you should not isolate yourself from them. Maybe they know no better and were not raised to recognise familial bonds as the most important of relationships. Maybe you are the person that needs to teach them how to care for their own. Do not deny them that.

I have learnt that if your workmates and supervisors are not giving you the support you want, maybe you have not let them know exactly what you need. They cannot guess on your behalf. And though actions speak louder than words, sometimes your actions are not loud enough, or are sending the wrong message across. Or perhaps the people are just not accustomed to rewarding hard work.

Show them what you have done and what you feel you deserve. Prove to them you are worth it. And ensure to align your goals and principles to theirs. Just do not walk away cursing them and yet you did not “meet them halfway”.