Connect even when correcting children

What you need to know:

Experts believe that children generally love and care very deeply about their parent and are very affected to see their parent’s sadness, annoyance or disappointment in response to their actions. This, you have to put in consideration when correcting your child

While still in Primary Five, a teacher hated Esther Karungi just because she grew her hair long. Every last Friday of the month, Karungi’s sister would pick her from school to have her hair styled.

One day, Karungi and her friends were caught making noise in class. The punishment was five strokes of the cane. However, while others were forgiven with caution, Karungi received seven strokes of the cane on top of insults.

“You think you are pretty?” the teacher asked while pulling Karungi’s hair. “Let me show you that you are not as pretty as you think.”

Now in her third year at university, Karungi has since suffered from low self-esteem ever since the dehumanising act about 12 years ago.

According to Henry Nsubuga, the head counsellor at Makerere University, when a child is quickly judged with the aim of shaming, it not only demoralises them but also destroys them emotionally.
The way a child is corrected should be handled with a positive attitude. Some children may attach a positive attitude to the correction while others may totally be negative about the whole act.

Sometimes the way a child is corrected matters a lot, because children who are given corporal punishments in order to restrain them from committing the same mistake always have a tendency of responding negatively.

“Just like adults, the way you approach a child matters a lot. For example, endeavour to explain to a child why you are punishing them and the dangers that can crop up from the mistakes they make. With this, the child will definitely not repeat the same mistake because they will get to understand their mistakes,” Mr Nsubuga says.
In instances where some children feel they are not as loved as their siblings or classmates, Jesca Amongin, a stay-home mother advises that more ingenuity is used in correcting them to avoid being misunderstood by the child.

“One of my sons is very stubborn. You will find him at the neighbours kicking a ball against their window panes or cutting their shoes. He, however, takes advice when spoken to nicely,” Amongin says.

“The only problem is he will go on and do more grave mistakes that warrant stronger punishments which he does not take in good faith. This has stained our relationship.”

Amongin says he keeps asking me if I do not like him and that it is the reason I keep punishing only him amongst his siblings.
Such children need much attention and counselling in order to change their attitude towards corrections, according to Albert Onyapidi, a teacher at Victory Junior School in Kampala.

“Teachers are always left with the big responsibility of seeing to it that the children are put on the right track. But children are brought up differently which brings about the difference in the way they are corrected,” he says.

Onyapidi says you need to learn each child if you are to administer useful disciplinary action. “Once you do that you will always know how to handle each child individually. See to it that the child takes the correction positively and unnecessary blames are avoided,” he advises.

Also, Onyapidi advises parents and elders to talk to a child like a friend and caution them just like you would caution an adult because correction cannot be done if you do not understand why the child misbehaved.

“In case you punish a child, tell them the reason why you did what you did so that they do not do it again. Severe punishments should only be given to children who have failed to adhere to advice and simple talk sessions,” he says.

Acknowledge the good
Nsubuga says adults should not only concentrate on the mistakes the children make but also acknowledge the good things they do. By doing this, the child will know it is a daily routine that is carried out and this will influence the attitude that they attach to the any correction they are given. “After correcting a child, make them feel good about everything they do. Do not keep throwing harsh words at them just because you are still carrying the anger from a past mistake,” he adds.