Helping an isolated child

Does your child have difficulty with friendships? Here is a look at possible causes and what you can do about it.

What you need to know:

  • Children who are in constant opposition of their peers play ideas can also be isolated because where they are, fights erupt so they end up being alienated.
  • It is definitely not easy, but research is clear that children who have parents who actively communicate and support them will live healthier, happier lives as they relate with others.

It is disheartening to see a child being isolated by his or her friends. Sometimes you could have a child to blame or the friends who are isolating the child.
Just like adults, children get challenges they cannot handle on their own. Being social awkward is one of those challenges bringing heartache and leaving a child feeling rejected, lonely and abandoned. Left unchecked, it affects their studies, self-esteem and they might even develop social problems later in life because they do not know how to relate with others.

Joshua Miiro, 13, is unhappy that he can no longer play with his friends following a freaky accident. Whenever he is home, he gets out his toys and plays at the verandah alone looking on as his peers play. Miiro says no one will play with him because they believe he will ruin their toys.
“My friends don’t play with me anymore because I broke Nicholas’ bicycle. They say I am very destructive. I have tried to explain to them that I did not intend to break it but no one believes me,” he says.
Phoebe Kembabazi, a mother of two says sometimes the problem begins with children’s attitudes. She says her four-year-old son used to be very bossy and stubborn.

“The friends avoided him so much and even his sister gave up playing with him. I had to intervene and help because his attitude was putting others off. I would spank him and at some point I asked his playmates to do the same when he hit them. In extreme cases I would stand guard while he played to quell any fights,” she says.
Kembabazi says she also gave him punishments such as staying in the house while others played, refusing him to visit friends and gradually he is changing.
She advises parents to pay keen attention to their children and how they relate with others especially in their formative years. Kembabazi believes that is the only way parents can not only identify but also devise a solution.

Why a child may be isolated
There are different reasons why a child may be isolated. A child could be isolated by others because of their hygiene maybe they are ever dirty. Molly Kallisa, a psychologist says when this is true the onus is upon the parent to ensure that a child is clean both for their own health and also for that of their peers. She faults parents who hide under the umbrella of busyness to do spot checks.
Gorret Betty Mbabazi a school nurse says some children have poor hygiene which will cause others to shun them.
“We had a girl who never used to bathe, brush her teeth and she was always messy because the mother was always away. Because of this, no one wanted to sit near her or eat the food she packed. I called her parents and asked them to mind her hygiene, and they did. She is no longer a social outcast,” she adds.

Children who are in constant opposition of their peers play ideas can also be isolated because where they are, fights erupt so they end up being alienated.
Beyond its effect on a child’s self-esteem, isolation from peers can have a marked impact on his school adjustment. He may have difficulty focusing on schoolwork as his attention drifts to social concerns.
Acting bossy among others is another problem because when playing everyone wants to bring an idea but if a child is always commanding on what should be taken upon then the others may decide to isolate him or her.

How to help
Annet Nakazibwe a secondary teacher and counsellor says it is important to find the root cause of isolation.
“Talk to people who spend more time with your child for example the maid, teachers or you can also get time off and observe his or her behaviour at home. You will figure out the cause whether he is rough, shy or has hygiene-related problem and base your help on that,” she says.

It is only then that you can take the next step and talk with the child on how to relate with others and why it is important to do so.
She says teachers should help such children to adjust by advising them on how they can maintain their friendships.
Mbabazi on the other hand advises parents to make their children’s hygiene a priority. If the child is able to do the cleaning on his or her own, then the parent should come in to supervise to make sure that it is perfectly done.

Having friends is important for children because they influence a child’s development. Parents and teachers also play a major role in children’s social life ensuring that a child is comfortable in the community.
It is definitely not easy, but research is clear that children who have parents who actively communicate and support them will live healthier, happier lives as they relate with others.