The time is drawing near and the nearer it draws, the further my motherhood interests wander. The better I understand that I have the power in my hands to put an end to my DNA and prevent another soul from stepping out into this dungeon of a world.
Into a world of man eat man, a jungle where the strongest survive, a country where justice is considered forbidden with a broken financial system.
A place where leaders only remember the people they represent towards election time. Into a starving world, a place drenched in poverty, a world where we only dream of a better life and wait upon it until we begin to look forward to it not here but to heaven when we finally meet our maker.
My future child, it is best I do not bear you over to a world of corruption. A society where money speaks tonnes amidst silence. In a hospital where I have to bribe the midwife to secure a comfortable room and treat me well on your passage to this world.
A place where I will have to bribe head teachers to get you into the best schools. Into the employment world where you will secure a job because the owner of the company is a close relative or family friend.
I can only shake my head dear child at the miserable journey we are to tread. Where it is common place for a man to tie the knot with fellow man, where a doctor will scornfully watch needy patients gasp for their last breathe, where he could go as far as rape his helpless patients and a teacher conjure five and seven-year-olds with sweets for sex.
I will not claim I was not aware of fathers with twisted minds that defile their eight-month-old baby girls.
It is a place with insecurities right left and centre. Full of uncertainties, crooks and cowards that shall harm you on pretext of being wealthy.
My baby, my angel, my innocent soul I would never want to transfer my anger, the ever growing concern, the misery and the confusion over to your unconscious self. Nor would I want to transfer the negative side of me unto you.
Regrettably, I do want you to meet the wonderful person you shall call “daddy”; the man that will be your back bone and role model.
For memories we must create as I watch you transform from a speechless being to a gifted self-sufficient human being ready to fly up so high that even fate could not catch you. That you shall carry on a piece of me to your offspring and claim responsibility over whatever shall be left of me.
I badly want you to meet and marvel at the blue skies, ever green fields, and bright sunshine and oh you must meet all kinds of animal species; the amazing creations of both man and God.
Parties we must have and fun we should make. It matters not because for all I have pondered, it would be selfish to prevent you from meeting the beautiful angels in the world.