Single at home, married on campus

It is fast becoming a trend for university students to try a hand at cohabitation while pursuing their studies. PHOTO BY ISMAIL KEZAALA

What you need to know:

Although campus cohabitation is not news to Ugandan university students, the trend has taken a new dimension as harsh economic times push more students to take up shared living quarters with the opposite sex.

First school, then marriage, at least that is the acceptable norm in society. But of late, scores of university students have decided that life should not necessarily be in that order. They have opted to do things in a rather different fashion—tackling school and giving marriage a shot, simultaneously!
The trend is steadily rising with a number of university lovebirds taking the bold step of moving in together, not in a legal marriage but rather a “come-we-stay” arrangement, one that often their parents know nothing about. Of course, many parents may raise eye brows at such an arrangement, but most of the students who practice this maintain a common sentiment about their act of cohabiting saying, “It is not such a big deal.” In fact, as some of them were quick to point out, their decision to cohabit is to practise for the future.

Why I tried it
Hawkins Ruhanga subscribes to such school of thought. He is a recent graduate of Makerere University and has been sharing a room with his university sweetheart, Faustin Okuvuru. The two crossed paths at university. She was joining uni and he was a year ahead. Of course they got talking, life happened, and somewhere in between the flowers and late night texts, they fell in love.
A year later, Ruhanga decided he was done playing games. So he proposed to Okuvuru to move in with him at his small rented cubicle in Kikoni.
“Many men are afraid of commitment especially when they do not have a lot of money saved up. But the moment I found the right person, I was quick to warm up to the idea of commitment even when I had no money and no job.” He shares with a smile of pride written on his face, a clear indication that he considers the act of pushing for commitment amidst an empty bank account to be the peak of courage.
According to Okuvuru, who is in the final year of her Bachelor of Commerce degree, Ruhanga’s proposal put her at crossroads. She knew her parents would never approve of such an arrangement. But she loved her boyfriend and the idea of staying with him was an attractive one.
“I told him to give me some time. And after a month of serious thinking, long after he had resigned thinking I had turned down his proposal, I accepted. Of course I did not tell my parents about it because I was scared about their reaction,” Okuvuru reveals.
The duo moved in together without either party seeking consent from their parents. However, five months into their arrangement, Ruhanga gathered enough courage to tell his dad.
“My parents now know about it. He adds, “Of course they were bitter, but at the same time understanding. At 24, I am not exactly young to be living with my girlfriend. So I think they were not really furious because I was living with her, it is the fact that I had done it behind their back that rubbed them the wrong way,” he adds.
Okuvuru chips in, saying she had to break the news to her parents because they had started demanding that she explains where she was getting the money to survive, since she had long stopped asking them for up-keep.
“They were not happy. But they have accepted that it is what I want,” she notes.
Accounting for the trend
Going by his tone, Ruhanga believes cohabiting has many benefits than people are willing to recognise. He says,
“Frankly, it is safer to have a permanent partner you live with while at campus. For me it came with a sense of commitment, so I do not wander off into the arms of numerous other girls as some university boys do, that way I am safer as regards sexually transmitted diseases. But furthermore it brings a sense of responsibility.
“Living with my girlfriend means I have to take care of her, so I worked twice as hard. I now have a job and I am taking good care of my girlfriend,” Ruhanga explains.
He goes ahead to point out that most of his friends, the ones he was with at university last year have not made any major strides. He blames this on the fact that they were living alone which, in his view, made them somewhat relaxed as they had no one to take care of.
Edrine, a second year student at Makerere University Business School, also believes cohabiting is for the better.
He has been living with his girlfriend at an old apartment block in Kataza, Bugolobi for five months now. His parents are not in the know of this recent development.
On asking when he plans to loop in his parents, he offers a weak smile. Changing uneasily in his seat, Edrine says we put his “personal issues” to rest and switch to his view on university cohabiting.
“To me it is a win situation. I think it has brought a bit of stability in my life. I now think on my feet! I do not waste money the way I used to. When you have someone, it tends to knock you to the sober side. Plus my girlfriend takes good care of me. All the washing and cooking, I am so over that.” Edrine says, beaming with a smile. However, it is not just the boys that are rooting for cohabiting. Some girls too think it is a good move. Nicole Kobusingye, a student at Ndejje University says she would never move in with her boyfriend at campus, more so behind her parents’ back.
But she believes students in such arrangements have something to benefit since living with someone helps you get to know them better.
“I think after campus, people never get enough time to know their partners, especially the girls because when you get out of university, marriage is usually the next step. It is hard to find someone after university and make time to study them. But if two people started living together in their second year at campus, you surely know the other person better and by the time you are out of university and decide to enter a formal marriage, you are marrying someone you really know,” she explains.
Nonetheless, all is not rosy
Much as the students who have moved in together maintain that their lives cannot get any better, Elizabeth Eromu, a third year Bachelor of Science in human nutrition student at Makerere University believes they are just putting forward a happy front to justify their actions.
“I rent on the same block with most of such students and most of them are actually miserable. You find that they are always fighting. The girls are always worried that their boys would cheat. It is stressful,” Eromu says.
Lot Mutiti, a student at Uganda Christian University also holds similar sentiments. He says he has seen cases of his peers waste their tuition fees on the maintenance of the girls they live with. Even the little up-keep they receive from their parents is channeled to support their loose family-like structure.

A detrimental relationship
Laura Ndaba, a senior lecturer at Mubs believes cohabiting at university is up-to no good. In fact, as she says, “this is the kind of relationship that would ruin someone”.
“These are the students that fail in their academic endeavours. How can you concentrate when you have a girlfriend to fend for yet you are also still pecking a living off your parents? How can the girl reserve enough time for class when she has to wake up and do the domestic duties such as washing and cleaning? And often girls even end up pregnant. This relationship is surely detrimental to one’s future. Not to mention that it is also against religious teachings,” Ndaba notes.
In a similar tone, Francis Oundo, a parent with a son at university asks, “Is it a husband or wife that your parents sent you for at university, or an academic qualification?”
He then tones it down a little pleading, “Please take one step at a time. Marriage is not a bad thing, but handle books first. After all, there is time for everything.”

Why are such cases on the rise?

Some people insist that most universities are reluctant in their effort to enforce proper moral conduct among their students, which is why students have reached the extent of moving in together in non-recognised marriages. But Donald Massa, a third year law student at Makerere University is quick to rubbish such claims. Massa, who is also the minister of Justice and Constitutional affairs at Makerere University points out that there are laws in place.
“The rules are there and they are enforced. For the case of halls, you are not allowed to even have a visitor sleeping over. In fact, when a girl is pregnant she cannot stay in a hall. Which means cohabiting is not tolerated. These cases are usually off campus, basically in a few hostels without proper rules but mainly in rentals where there are no rules in place,” Massa explains.
Joel Kidangaire, a student at Uganda Christian University has a similar view saying, “There are rules, but these rules cannot go off campus to apply even in faraway rentals. Most of the students who cohabit at UCU live in Kawuga and Kilowoza, and these places are far from university. It is hard to monitor what happens there.”