Reviews & Profiles

Who you should follow on Twitter this year

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By Nelson Muhanguzi

Posted  Wednesday, January 1  2014 at  02:00
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I’m too young to have experienced the best day of my life, but the closest I’ve ever come to it, was when I was involved in a bitter altercation with Tim Kalyegira on Twitter. To be honest I started it.
He tweeted something that only he could. It was something insightful and brilliant, the kind of thing that steals wives. I’m not sure what it was exactly, but I suspect he attributed the failing health care system in Uganda to incompetence of the government.
Naturally, I accused him of smoking adulterated cocaine, at which point he used his supreme powers of observation to point out that I had a brain which I was reluctant to use.
Intellectuals like Kalyegira usually reserve their abuse (they prefer to call it criticism) for their peers and politicians, so one can only imagine how proud and happy I was when he took his time to insult me.
This I believe was the thinking behind the creation of Twitter, to provide an avenue through which the unknown can heap incessant insults on public figures, and hopefully get insulted in return. I have taken time to answer some of the frequently asked questions about twitter.

What is twitter?
Twitter is a micro blogging site on the world wide web that requires one to make intelligent, witty and lucid observations about what is going on in their lives in 140 characters. Unfortunately, out of 500 million twitter users, it is only a smattering of “tweeps” that have managed to achieve this on a regular basis. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m at the forefront of this intelligent, witty and lucid observations thing.
Who is on twitter?
One should expect people from all walks of life on twitter. They can generally be divided into two groups; Good people and bad people.
The bad people include adulterers, paedophiles, politicians and intellectuals.
The good people are the 56 humans who follow @coldguiness. I have to congratulate them on their good judgement and impeccable taste.

Who should I not follow?
According to twitter CEO, Jack Dorsey, If one is Ugandan, there are two accounts that should be avoided like the plague.
The first is a prominent politician who incidentally is a high-ranking officer in government because his handle is “as interesting as watching paint dry”. The second account belongs to a respected senior journalist who is also an adviser to one of the regional presidents, and a great thinker.

According to Mr Dorsey, this jounalist’s timeline is littered with intelligent looking stuff, the problem is one can never know what he is going on about, as exemplified by this tweet. “that we have an interaction of endogenous and exogenous factors in multitudinous complexity producing our reality” I think he was trying to say “stuff happens.”

What should I do while on twitter?
Firstly, follow @DailyMonitor, then abuse, mock, and curse as many celebrities as you want.
You can also follow me at @coldguiness if you enjoy reading intelligent, witty and lucid stuff.
Now that I have answered these FAQ’s, kindly join Twitter and do as I have advised.

features@ug.nationmedia.com