Let’s tell mums-to-be what to expect beyond the first months

On February 13, we were blessed with a nephew. As Ugandans (and I suppose this is practiced in most of Africa), we wanted to dash to the hospital to ooh and aah over the boy, ask mum how the experience was and offer all sorts of advice. But we could not.

The parents and the baby are in another country so we shall have to wait for them to come back home, hopefully sooner than later, and then we shall pour in with blessings and gifts and stories.

It feels like it is a baby boom quarter as many of my friends have given birth in the last two months. I have attended a few baby showers and most of the advice is about how to take care of a newborn, what to expect in hospital and after and where to look for help.
Babies grow so fast

I just realised though that a lot of the time, we do not talk about what it is like to raise this new born child, from infant to child to adult.

When I think about the advice I got, it really was good but it focused on the first few weeks. There was nothing about what to expect when the child is a year, five or 10. Yet this is just as important as the advice got about what to do in the first few weeks.

We need to tell our friends that those babies will grow so fast and before you know it, you will have to be telling them about menstrual periods, wet dreams and breaking voices.

Be your child’s confidant
As a parent, you should do your best not to abscond from talking about these topics and leaving it to the matron at school or her aunt who is bold.

If a child considers you the first person they can talk to about anything, they are likely to believe you most of the time and go with what you say. Getting them to feel that you are the most important person to talk to does not come naturally.

You have to cultivate it. You have to ask them questions and find out what they know and tell them what they need to know. You have to allow them to feel free to ask you any question and be able to answer to the best of your ability.

Your child is the priority
We need to tell our friends that once baby comes, they become the priority. The money you earn and time you have should be well invested in them.

Children demand – in a good way – a lot more than we think, not just financially but emotionally. These children will sometimes break our hearts when they fail to live up to the expectations we set for them.

They will disappoint us with the choices they make. But they are our children and we have to learn to deal with the pain in a way that ensures they know no matter what, we love them to bits.

Drop the bad lessons
We will have to drop some of the bad lessons we might have picked from our parents and learn new good ones. In order to get them to be polite, hardworking, friendly, smart and everything else, we will have to show them through our actions and not just our words.
So the next time you attend a baby shower, be sure to give the mum-to-be some advice that deals with the future of the child.

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